DAD THINKS FIVE YEAR OLD SON NEEDS DISCIPLINE BUT MOM DOESN'T BELIEVE IN PUNISHMENT

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Dad Thinks Son, 5, Needs Discipline, But Mom 'Doesn't Believe' In Punishment

The original poster shared that they have had problems in the past with their wife because of her "permissive parenting"

By Kayla Grant  Published on October 27, 2025 08:03AM EDT

 

A parent asked if they are wrong for thinking that their child needs punishment when he doesn't listen.

 

In a post on the AITA subreddit, the original poster (OP) explained that they have two children — a 1-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son. The parent also shared that they have had issues with their wife in the past because of "permissive parenting," which they think is contributing to the issue now.

 

"My son is wonderful, very mildly on the spectrum," they wrote. "He has trouble making friends and part of that is because he can be very annoying."

 

OP went on to explain a situation that happened in the car recently, where their 5-year-old kept pretending to scream.

 

"I finally said stop it or you can't paint when we get home," the parent said, adding that their son loves to paint. "This got him upset for obvious reasons. My wife says punishment doesn't work. I ask her then why would he stop any bad behavior? She says, 'because his consequence will be we don't want to be around him.'"

 

The parent shared that their wife's logic surrounding the situation sounded "insane to me," before expressing their worries about how this will impact their son.

 

"That sounds insane to me. I worry this will result in him growing up completely disrespecting authority," they wrote. "Additionally he wont make friends [because] we never stop the annoying behaviour, so he won't realize it's wrong."

 

OP concluded their post asking if they were in the wrong for thinking their son may need some type of punishment when he doesn't listen.

 

Many commenters responded to OP's post sharing their thoughts and advice on the situation. One user suggested the parent reframe how they are presenting the issue to their wife.

 

"Reframe it. Instead of punishment, it's consequences," they wrote. "This is absolutely something a kid needs to be prepared for, because the consequences in adult life are far worse than anything a parent should be fairly doling out."

 

Another commenter stressed the importance of parents teaching their children lessons at home.

 

"As someone who works with kids with behavioral issues, permissive parenting is neglect," they wrote. "When working with kids, we do a prompting system. We explain that they have so many prompts and by the end of that, this is what will happen."

 

"The kids who come in to treatment can’t make friends because they can’t regulate their emotions and behaviors because parents never taught them," they added. "Kids needs structure. They crave it. All humans do. They need routine. ESPECIALLY kids on the spectrum."