Thursday, August 25, 2011


My Prerogative: When Britney Spears covered this song, Mad TV did a parody of "Total Request Live" where Bobby Brown burst into the studio and said, "If anyone's gonna remake my one and only hit, it gon' be me."

Straight Up: I actually kind of like this song. Whenever I was channel surfing and came across the video on Much Music I would stop and watch it.

Like A Prayer: This song is so blasphemous.

I'll Be There For You: I don't know whether it was this song or the theme to "Friends" or something else that popularized the phrase "I'll be there for you", but whoever it was who launched this combination of words into the mainstream should be taken out and shot. I'll be there for you is such a hollow phrase.

Forever Your Girl: "Not even if he promises me diamonds, not even if he promises me pearls, but if he actually dumps some out on the table all bets are off."

Rock On: I love the original version of this song. My parents have the 45 and I used to listen to it frequently.

Loving You Forever: All the girls in my Grade 1 and 2 classes were in love with various members of New Kids On The Block.

I once went to a friends house. Actually, it was two friends, a boy and a girl named Micky and Mathew. Micky had a cassette containing interviews with New Kids On The Block and some songs. The interviewer used the word "sexy" a lot. I was not of an age to know what that word meant, but in typical little kid fashion, I used it anyway. I remember I was playing with a pack of braille cards on the kitchen floor a few nights later. I said "We're gonna have some sexy card fun." My mom chastised me for using the word and explained to me what it really meant.

Batdance: I think I remember some kids in my grade 2 class talking about the Batman movie.

Right Here Waiting: My sister really loves this song because she loves animals and this song was used on a commercial for the Humane Society.

In grade 12 I took piano lessons and learned to play part of this song.

We Didn't Start The Fire: Billy Joel and other singers kept the fire burning with their coke parties. This is actually a good song.

In the first semester of college, we had a course called Evolution Of Modern Music. We were split into groups and a different group had to do a weekly presentation about a different musical era. Before the teacher split us up, he did a presentation to give us an idea of what he expected. The presentation centred on the events mentioned in this song.

Another Day In Paradise: Sanctimonious garbage.

Monday, August 22, 2011


Need You Tonight: Michael Hutchins didn't commit suicide. He slipped on a curtain rod while putting his pants on backwards.

Get Outa My Dreams, Get Into My Car: Double Exposure did a parody of this song sung by then Foreign Affairs Minister Joe Clark.

Get out of Kuwait,
And back to Bagdad,
Get out of Kuwait,
Make it snappy Sadam.

Don't Worry, Be Happy: I was at my aforementioned babysitters house one weekend. They were Catholics and we were driving to church one Sunday morning in their truck. The car radio was on (I think it was on CFFX 960) and a preacher was on there. He said, "It's not that song "Don't Worry, Be Happy." Jesus is the key to all this."

Also around this time, I was in kindergarten. When ever I would get worried or nervous or upset about something, the teacher would say, "Don't worry. Be happy."

There is a parody of this song entitled "Don't Be Happy, Worry" listing a whole bunch of things that can go wrong.

Double Exposure did a parody of this song around the time of the 1992 federal election, sung by Flora MCDonald.

Here's a little song I wrote,
I wrote it just to make you vote,
Be happy,
Vote Tory.

Red Red Wine: I was once told a story about a man who celebrated his fortieth birthday. When the cake was brought out, it had a 45 by UB40 on top.

Kokomo: Watching this song being performed on "Full House" was painful.

I doubt if the narrator of this song is intelligent enough to know where most of the places mentioned are.


Living On A Prayer: It's the 1980s, yet Tommy and Gena are struggling to make it. Tommy's dock workers union has been on strike for more than a year, like some union in one of those South American countries. Gosh. Seriously.

With or Without You: Though "The Joshua Tree" sucks, it has sentimental value to me. The babysitter I wrote about in my previous "Billboard" post was also a U2 fan. I asked for a U2 album for Christmas 1987. Christmas morning, I opened up a present to discover a cassette of "The Joshua Tree." I remember my mom reading the track listing and saying "Where The Streets Have No Names" rather incredulously.

Bad: Double Exposure did a sketch about Margaret Thatcher having all kinds of secret identities. One of them was an Indian boy she played in a movie, and another was Michael Jackson.

Money Money: Whenever I'm in a club and people yell out the obscene thing you're supposed to yell after the first line of this song, I always think how people are stupid and just do what ever everyone else does. Lousy crowd mentality.

Heaven Is A Place On Earth: If heaven is a place on earth, I want my money back.

Friday, August 19, 2011


In the Newsmakers section of the July 18 issue of Maclean's, the mayor of Calgary contradicts himself. First, he says he attended the homosexual pride parade because "my Calgary consists of every citizen" and then he defends Rob Ford's decision not to attend the Toronto homosexual pride parade by saying he can understand that "in this job you need your family time" or something.

In the same issue, there is an article about how four and five year olds in Quebec daycares are scoring low on school readiness tests. Quebec provides low cost daycare, with the provincial government covering most of the cost. This ultimately means more children are in daycare at an earlier age. The reason the children are scoring low on these tests is because there's no substitute for a mother, and a Christian one at that.

In the May-June Youth Unlimited newsletter, there is an article about sexting which quotes an article in the New York Times. One girl quoted in the Times article looks at sexting as a form of safer sex. Methinks this girl, like many others her age has trouble telling the virtual world from the real one.

Also, what these kids don't realize is that anyone with the proper skills can hack into the device they're sexting with.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011


Amadeous: I love The Bloodhound Gang song that incorporates this tune.

Greatest Love Of All: From every telethon you've ever watched.

In The Midst Of The Years: Mick Hucknell is a huge jerk.

Sledgehammer: This song has a special place in my heart. When I was little there was a family I used to go and spend time with when my parents wanted a weekend to themselves. The daughters were teenagers and one of them had some of the music that was popular at that time, including Peter Gabriel's "So" album. She and I used to listen to it all the time and she made me a tape of it, with Rod Stewart's current album on the other side. I used to play that tape for future babysitters.

You Give Love A Bad Name: Bonjovi sucks. "Runaway" is their only good song. If John Bonjovi were ugly, that band would not have had anywhere near the success it has.

Monday, August 15, 2011


I Wanna Know What Love Is: The lyrics of this song were included in a textbook I had for a course in high school called Personal Life Management.

One More Night: Phil Collins ruined Genesis.

We Are The World: On an episode of "Married With Children", the Bundys go on a trip somewhere. They fly first class and Al meets a whole bunch of rock stars. Al and the others colloborate on a charity single entitled "We Are The Old." For the record, the only lines from the song I can remember are:

We've got Medicare,
And antigas pills,
But please help me pay
My alimony bills.

Everybody Wants To Rule The World: Everybody wants to rule the world, but only Jesus Christ can rule the world.

Saving All My Love For You: My gosh, Whitney Houston can not sing.

Miami Vice Theme: This show was so cheesy.

One of the counselors at the School For The Blind told us that he and his friends would go to the bar to watch "Miami Vice" every Friday night.

Sesame Street did a parody of this show entitled "Miami Mice."

We Built This City: On an episode of The Simpsons, Homer incorporated "We built this city on rock and roll" into "It Ain't Gonna Rain No More."


Owner Of A Lonely Heart: Though this song sucks, the rest of the album it comes from is quite excellent. Great progressive rock.

Karma Chamileon: My uncle used to visit my mom and dad on their farm every summer. He used to play Boy George And Culture Club records and it drove my dad crazy.

Jump: I have heard this album. It sucks.

Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now): I have many Phil Collins albums. They all suck.

Hello: Go on YouTube and check out Nick Digilio's analysis of the video for this song.

"What the heck do you want!? Leave me alone! I'm blind!"

Time After Time: A few years ago, CHUM-fm did a Christmas special that they syndicated. It featured interviews with artists followed by Christmas songs they'd recorded. Even though the interviews had probably all been recorded at different times, the host, Taylor Kaye, was trying to make it appear as if all the musicians were gathered together for a Christmas party. Cindy Lauper was the only one who played along. I'll always love her for that.

When Doves Cry: "The Artist Formerly Known As Prince has changed his name to The Artist. Many people think Formerly would have been a better name."--This Hour Has 22 Minutes

Ghost Busters: I have the sound track to this movie. It is mostly the theme song over and over again.

"Who you gonna call" has become an immortal phrase in our culture.

My sister used to refer to this movie as "Ghost Butters."

Wake Me Up Before You Go Go: "AandE is doin the biography of the other guy from Wham."--Family Guy

Like A Virgin: Like a virgin?! Anything but!

Like a virgin,
Oooh, oooh.


Down Under: Men At Work were actually a fairly decent band that incorporated a number of different musical styles. Check out Colin Hayes more recent solo work.

"You wanna see a knife? This is a knife."

Africa: When I went to the W. Ross Macdonald School For The Blind (more about that when we get to 1997 and subsequent years) there were these two mentally retarded kids in senior residence. Ryan Lublin had autism and I'm not sure what Bill McKendry's condition was. Ryan used to tease Bill by putting the wrong letter at the beginning of words. Ryan would talk about songs from the eighties and ask where they were. He used to frequently ask, "Where's Toto's Zafrica" (meaning of course Africa, the song in discussion here.) Bill, who was a big jerk of a human being to begin with, would get mad.

Billie Jean: Michael Jackson was so overrated. Everyone of his songs is just "Uh, uh, uh, uh."

Come On Ileen: In the episode where Homer recounts his time in "The B Sharps", Homer calls home after the group wins a grammy award. Lisa says, "You beat out Dexie's Midnight Runners."

Beat It: Weird Al did a parody of this song called "Eat It."

Every Breath You Take: It is amazing some people still think this is a love song.

FBI agent radio host Hal Turner used to play a sketch on his radio show featuring two British intelligence agents singing a parody of this song about how they were going to spy on the public all the time.

Maniac: Groundskeeper Willie sang this song on the Simpsons. (See also "Downtown")

Tell Her About It: This song hit number one on the day I was born.

Total Eclipse Of The Heart: The Arrogant Worms did a sketch involving a deejay taking requests on a female-targeted radio station. The sketch made fun of the fact that stations aimed at females play songs like "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" as opposed to more hardcore songs done by female artists such as Hole.

Islands In The Stream: The melody of this song was used in the rap song "Ghetto Superstar."

This song always makes me think of a simile used in Jerry Spinelli's children's book "Maniac Magee." Jeffrey "Maniac" Magee gets to the segregated community of Two Mills, Pennsylvania and meets black girl Amanda Beale. Amanda is carrying a suitcase of books to school so the dog can't chew them and her younger brother and sister can't colour on them. Jeffrey stops Amanda and talks to her. Jeffrey, Amanda and the suitcase are described like "a rock in a stream" as the other kids flow by on their way to school.


Ebony And Ivory: This song is so horrible. What do keys on a piano have to do with racial harmony?

Eye Of The Tiger: Eye of the spider.

Jack And Diane: Weird Al sang a parody of this song on the Simpsons entitled "Homer And Marge."

Micky: Weird Al did a parody of this song titled "Ricky", which accurately pointed out many of the things that made "I Love Lucy" a horrible TV program.