Tuesday, December 29, 2009

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES BRONCHEAL INFECTION THE FOUR SEASONS

I'm playing the Jeophardy drinking game. I take a drink everytime I know the question to an answer. I have managed to consume a lot of gin because of it.

Tree branches growing out of his ears,
A lawn on top of his head.

Barack Obama called into a talk show as "Barry From DC." The bucking nerve.

On the highway,
Thirty people lost their lives"

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

REPLY AWL

The November 2 issue of Maclean's has an article about kids drinking hand sanatiser. This seems like one of these things where the media makes a much bigger deal out of it than it actually is. Of course the article gives plenty of information teaching kids how to do it.

In a November 9 Maclean's article about the municipal election in Montreal, the writer keeps bringing up the fact that one of the candidates is a 9/11 truther. Martin Patrequin gets in a jibe about how the candidate won't be hearing from the mayor of New York City if he wins. We're not trying to disrespect New York City or the victims families: how the buck many times do we gotta say it.

In an article in the same issue about Uganda's proposed law making homosexuality illegal, the writer misquotes the title of a book. The book is called The Pink Swastika, not The Pink Triangle.

The November 16 issue of Maclean's has an article about volunteers who pick fruit from people's trees for the food bank. This is good, gleaning according to God's law.

HARRY HELMS BLOG

I'm not sure how I feel about The Harry Helms Blog.

On the one hand, it's a great read concerning dealing with one's death. Instead of being all, "Why me? Why is such a horrible thing happening to me?" the late author and publisher looks back on his life; remembering interesting trips he has taken, good times he has had and good friends he has known.

However, Helms does one thing which really ticks me off. He makes assertions without backing them up. He makes fun of 9/11 truthers but does not explain why what we believe is "Whacky." He also does the same thing in other places, taking jibes at the usual suspects like "survivalists" and home-based businesses without explaining why these are wrong-headed.

Honestly, I'm glad that guy is dead.

Monday, December 21, 2009

RICHARD SYRETT SURE SUCKED LAST NIGHT

In the second hour of The Conspiracy Show last night, Richard Syrett had on Pastor Harry to talk about the satanic origins of Santa Clause.

At the beginning of the show, Syrett said he was going to prove Pastor Harry was lying. The last time Syrett and Pastor Harry talked about this, Richard was somewhat with him. This time, Syrett was vehomently challenging Pastor Harry and making fun of him. When Pastor Harry talked about the illuminati running Coka Cola, Richard said, "Well, they sure messed up with New Coke, didn't they." One of the top execs from Coka Cola was at the 2006 Bilderberg meeting.

Of course, this is all due to the fact Richard's children are now old enough to know what Christmas is all about and thus he is riding a wave of emotion.

Richard asked Pastor Harry if it was all right to tell children about St. Nicholas, since he was a real person and the Orthodox church teaches that saints commune with the living. The Bible says quite clearly in Luke 14 that the dead can not leave Heaven or hell.

Moyah in Mississauga called in and said that Santa was a symbol of love and "what's wrong with that." Honey, Christianity has Jesus, who is God, who is love as it says in 1 John. We don't need no jolly old elf to "symbolise" love; we got the real thing.

Moyah also said Santa Clause was a fairy tale, equivalent to "The Three Little Pigs." When you read your child the story of The Three Little Pigs, you don't say, "This actually happened." You also don't say the three little pigs are going to give them gifts and know when they're sleeping and whether they've been bad or good.

Barry in Calgary called in and asked, "When I was a child, my parents told me the stork brought babies. Was it also wrong for them to tell me that as well as tell me about Santa Clause?" Yes, all lies to children are wrong.

Mike in Toronto called in and said, "I think churches created Satan in order to scare people into going to church and make the church rich." Pastor Harry went into a long explanation in response to what Mike said. If it had been me, I would have said, "I know you're just saying that to insult me so next caller."

John in Cambridge said that when he was a boy, he was told about Santa Clause but the greater emphasis was always placed on Jesus Christ. "I am the Lord God beside me there is no other."

Diane in Buffalo called in and said that when she was a child, she was told by her parents that Santa was a symbol of love that children could communicate with. She said we sorely need a symbol of love and caring. I say, if the only loving and caring person in your life is a fictitious fat guy in a red suit, your life is in a pretty sorry state.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

MICHAEL J. FOX: A CANADIAN LOBSTER

A tourist was walking along the pier in Nova Scotia when he saw a fisherman with a bucket of lobsters. The tourist was incredulous to see that the bucket didn’t have a lid on it.

“Hey, fisherman,” the tourist said, “You might wanna put a lid on that bucket or all those lobsters’ll get out.”

“No,” the fisherman replied, “these are Canadian lobsters. As soon as one gets to the top, the others’ll pull ‘im back down again.”

In that spirit, I would like to tear down a major Canadian celebrity.

Michael J. Fox came to prominence in the 80’s sitcom Family Ties and starred in Back To The Future, Teenwolf and other blockbuster films of that era.

Family Ties was one of those crummy 80’s family togetherness sitcoms.

After Family Ties ended, Fox was never able to quite find the success he’d had in the 80’s. A diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease in 1991 limited the span of time in which he could still act.

In order to be with his family, Michael J. Fox returned to television with the series Spin City, a series which I don’t think will be remembered twenty years from now and which is even now fading from the collective memory.

Now this guy’s involved in fighting for embryonic stem cell research, even thow (1) how are you going to use dead cells to stimulate the brain to, in this case make dopamine (2) the cells are embryonic and therefore not fully developed and (3) it is being proven that adult stem cells work much better.

As to his legacy, Michael J. Fox will probably be remembered for Back To The Future and Family Ties. As I have said, in twenty years everyone will have forgotten about Spin City.

He never really escaped the teenage roles.

JAYHAED SAADE, KEEP IT UP

A 14-year old Ottawa boy refuses to shut down Mix FM, his pirate radio station.

Claiming to broadcast from a yet-to-be constructed building and with an antenna on top of an Ottawa hotel, Saade and his friends have been playing requests and taking phone calls, despite a cease and desist order from Industry Canada.

The website where I read about this story derides Saade's activities, saying "His friends like it, he plays all their requests." Yeah, and in college we were told not to even take requests. Pretty crummy.

The author of the site says, "For a headshaking read" we should check out the battle Saade is waging with posters on some tech forum of some sort, but typical of the links on this man's site, the link to the forum didn't work.

So Ottawa finally got a good radio station. I would like to applaud this boys eferts and tell him to keep it up.

Of course people like the author of the site I got this story from-oh buck, that's too complicated, I'll just refer to him as John Milkey-find this boy exercising his right to speak without paying the government the fees to broadcast appalling.

The story of this pirate broadcaster is immediately followed on John Milkey's website by an itim about how Astral Media Montreal English has appointed a promotions director for each of it's three radio stations. Sure, now that they've fired so many of the announcers they think they can buy the listeners off with contests in exchange for ever crummier programming.

Next, there follows a story about the Jack FM format launching in England, along with the usual claptrap about how good it is. Never mind that this format has failed in every market it was in except Vancouver.

Then there follows a story from the day before about long-time Easy Rock Toronto mid-day host Deryl Henry getting fired.

In an industry that is literally getting worse by the day, we need people like Jayhaed Saade to set up pirate radio stations.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

A COUPLE LAME JOKES

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Doorbell repair man.

Knock knock knock knock knock knock.
Who's there?
A spider.