Thursday, November 26, 2009

RADIO STATIONS I HAVE LISTENED TO ON THE WAY TO FUNERALS

In college, our teacher told us, "No one listens to the radio on the way to a funeral." As a rebuttal to this statement, here is a list of radio stations I have listened to while travelling to various people's funerals.

Auntie Ruth: Mix 97, Froggy 97, Magic 100

Grandma: Classic Hits 95.5, 97.3 Easy Rock

Eric Conchee: Classic Hits 95.5

Lillian Franks: Cool 100

Bev Browning: Cool 100

Lyonel Green: Classic Hits 95.5

PORNOGRAPHY IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH

She walked into the room, unnoticed by him as his eyes were glued to the computer screen. He only turned around when he felt her hand on his shoulder.

“So, you’ve been looking at pornography again, have you, buckface.”

He said nothing.

“What’s wrong? Why do you have to do this everytime I go out?”

“Because you forget to take the modem in the car with you?” he replied, phrasing his answer like a question.

Her arm slammed sharply into his face.

“Look, buckbrain.”

She jerked his face to within a quarter inch of her mouth.

“Do my breasts displease you in some way? Is my vagina not to your liking?”

Tears began to roll down his face. She then picked up his chair and through it across the room.

“Get out. Leave the house so you can think about what you did.”

He stood up and made his way to the apartment door. As he stepped out into the hall, ahe felt an arm clamp tightly around his neck and force him back into the apartment.

“I hear you got a problem with lookin up the pornography,” the man with his arm around his neck said. “We’re gonna play a little game now. It’s called try to find a place on your body that doesn’t hurt.”

The large man began to work him over, smashing his head against the follr, punching and kicking him, breaking his fingers, arms and legs.

EMPIRE OF THE WORD PART 1: THE MAGIC OF READING

TV Ontario, Wednesday November 25, 10:00 p.m.

In part one of this four-part documentary, Argentinian director Alberto Mengel takes us through the history of reading, from Messipotamia to Alexandria to Griece, Rome and beyond.

He tells how in the 1400's, people began to be encouraged to interpret what they read for themselves, rather than being forced to go along with the Church's interpretation of the Bible. Menghel then exhibits some classic double think by saying that too much freedom to interpret the Bible is bad because it can lead to intolerance.

He shows a woman teaching Sunday school, then explains how being free to interpret the Bible however you want can lead to Christian fundamentalism, "Read it my way or you're dead." I bet the preacher that agreed to have Menghel film in his church is sorry he agreed to do so. You don't go casting your pearls before swine, preacher.

I would rather there be a whole bunch of conflicting interpretations of the Bible than have the Catholic church or anyone else dictate to me what every verse in the Bible means.

Monday, November 23, 2009

JESUS DIED ON A WEDNESDAY

Though most Christians celebrate Easter starting on Good Friday and ending on Easter Sunday, Jesus was actually crucified on a Wednesday.

People say, "Most scholars think he died on Friday." Well, the majority can often be wrong.

Jesus said He would be in the grave three days and three nights. Anyone who can count should know He couldn't have been in the tomb from Friday to Sunday and have that count as three days and three nights.

A day is defined as the time from sunrise to sunset, a night is defined as the time when it is dark.

Nights: Friday night, Saturday night. (2)

Days: Saturday (1)

People say "According to Jewish time reckoning, they counted the bit of Friday He was buried as one whole day."

First, I doubt very much this is true.

Second, it still doesn't add up properly.

Days: Friday, Saturday (2)

"Wait, wait, you're forgetting to count the part of Sunday as one whole day, too."

No, I'm not. When the women got to the tomb at sunrise, it was already empty, which means He had to have left before the day began.

Nights: Friday, Saturday (2)

You can't add it up, even if you factor in the fact that the next twenty-four hour period began at sundown.

Jesus was crucified on a Wednesday.

Nights: Wednesday, Thursday, Friday (3)

Days: Thursday, Friday, Saturday (3)

Jesus probably rose at about sundown Saturday evening, or perhaps late Saturday afternoon.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

STARTING SCHOOL AND STILL WEARING DIAPERS

The following are exerpts from an article in the August 2, 2009 Sunday Telegraph entitled "Starting School And Still Wearing Nappies" Quotes are interspersed with my comments.

"School nurses are receiving special training to deal with an increasing number of pupils who are still wearing nappies."

Buck off!

"A growing number of parents are failing to potty train their children before sending them to primary school

"Some parents have made it a low priority because they are too busy (read don't care), while others have a more relaxed attitude and are happy to "wait until the child is ready", according to teachers.

Wait until the child is ready! That's a good one! Human beings are lazy by nature. Many kids would prefer to have you change them their whole lives if they could.

"There is no hard and fast rule about potty training, parents can only do it when their child is ready."

Buck you. Kindergarten is far too late for a child to still be wearing diapers.

"... whereas in the past there might have been pressure to conform."

Yeah, bitch. There are certain expectations society puts on people, one of which is that you should be able to use a toilet for buck sakes.

"Although some schools and nurseries refuse to take children who are still in nappies, local authorities now advise that they could be contravening the Disability Discrimination Act by doing so."

Oh, so if your kid would rather go in his diaper than use the toilet like he should be doing, that's now a disability. This is from a UK newspaper, after all.

Let me say that schools should have a policy in place for kids with medical problems who are incapable of being toilet trained. There is an increasing number of these children, do to parents, many of them stupid and cowardly, getting their children vaccinated.

"Any admission policy that sets a blanket standard of continence or requires parents to come and change a child, or leaves a child in a soiled nappy while they wait, could be considered discriminatory."

I definitely do not agree with leaving these children in their wet or dirty diapers. Teachers who do this deserve to be beaten up in my opinion.

"Generally we would say "not teachers", because they should be in class. But many teaching assistants say it's not in their job description either."

You teaching assistants change those retards' diapers or I will personally go over to the UK, find every single one of you who are guilty of this, and beat you senseless. Got that, bbuckface?

"Some parents complain that attempts to potty train children are undermined when they send them to nurseries that do not have the staffing levels to take them on frequent lavatory trips."

That's what the bloody nursery schools are all about: conform, conform, conform; schedule everything. You early childhood educators take these kids to the bathroom when they have to go. They can't be trained properly by having their bathroom visits put on a schedule.

Incidentally, at the daycare that my housekeeper's grandson went to, they started him using the toilet at 19 months.

"If you want mums to devote every waking day to their children and their development, we have to make it possible for them to survive financially while staying at home."

Those who really run the world don't want mothers to survive financially. In fact, they don't want any of us to survive physically. They've got plans to wipe out 95 percent of the human population.

Second, as I discussed in a post last month, a lot of mothers are just whores who want to work outside the home for the money.

"One nursery manager, who asked to remain annonymous, said that the job of potty training had been made harder for parents by modern nappies.

"My theory is that children now feel too comfortable in disposable nappies and the message from the bladder that they are wet or uncomfortable doesn't reach the brain," she said."

Of course. That's what these diaper companies and those who really run the world want. They would be quite happy if our children were never toilet trained. Remember, pullups are just diapers, buckfaces!

For advice about children and toilets that's actually good, click the link above.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

XXX CHURCH: REVISED EMAIL

Dear Craig,
I was at your session at the 2009 Promise Keepers Conference in Mississauga on Saturday. I found your talk very interesting and I think your ministry is doing a wonderful thing.

However, your talk did cause me to have some disturbing thoughts.

First, you said that recently three ministers have been kicked out of churches in Los Vegas for being addicted to porn. I just wonder what caused these men to become so addicted to porn in the first place. The few times I have accidentally looked up porn, I have been horrified and have prayed fervently that the Lord would help me not to look up this stuff again. If I were a pastor, alone in my office and I purposely looked up porn, I would be so filled with remorse and pray to the Lord for forgiveness. At what point in the process of these men's addiction did they not try to reach out for help.

God said he would write his law on our hearts. I can only think that a lot of these pastors were never really saved to begin with. Most churches don't teach the Bible plan of salvation, which according to Acts 2 38 is "repent and be baptised" not "accept Jesus Christ as your personal saviour" or "ask him into your heart."

Women need to pray for their husbands constantly that they won't be tempted and fall into sexual sin while they're away at work.

Another thought that crossed my mind concerning pastors and other people who have been Christians for a long time getting addicted to pornography was that everything wasn't all right with these men's sex lives. A practical tip is that, if possible, these men should maybe try to have sex in the morning before they go to work. I think a certain amount of these kinds of sexual sins result from the level of testosterone being at it's highest point in the day when these men go to work.

An additional reason for the prevalence of addiction to pornography among Christians is that many Christians don't see people as people, only as points to be added to their Heavenly score card or bums they need to get into the pews of their churches. I think the key to putting away this horrible sin is to start seeing people-women and men, as Jesus Christ sees them. We need to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength and to love our neighbour as ourselves. When a Christian truly does this, it helps with the sin currently under discussion as well as so many others.

AlsoAs for your debates with Ron Jeremy, part of me hopes he gets saved, but most of me says that Jew-boy's got too good of a deal going.

Alex Horton

Saturday, November 14, 2009

AN EMAIL TO XXX CHURCH

In the film Fireproof, Kirk Cameron smashes a computer in order to get rid of his porn addiction. I think he should have also done it to the head of one of the porn actors.

Come on, folks, it's time to start killing these people.Dear Craig,

I was at your session at the 2009 Promise Keepers Conference in Mississauga this morning. I found your talk very interesting and I think your ministry is doing a wonderful thing.



However, your talk did cause me to have some disturbing thoughts.



First, you said that recently three ministers have been kicked out of churches in Los Vegas for being addicted to porn. I just wonder what caused these men to become so addicted to porn in the first place. The few times I have accidentally looked up porn, I have been horrified and have prayed fervently that the Lord would help me not to look up this stuff again. If I were a pastor, alone in my office and I purposely looked up porn, I would be like:



"Lord, I don't deserve to live on your planet anymore,

Just send me to hell right now,

Please forgive me."



I can only think that a lot of these pastors were never really saved to begin with. Most churches don't teach the Bible plan of salvation, which according to Acts 2 38 is "repent and be baptised" not "accept Jesus Christ as your personal saviour" or "ask him into your heart."



Women need to pray for their husbands constantly that they won't be tempted and fall into sexual sin while they're away at work.



A practical tip is that, if possible, these men should maybe try to have sex in the morning before they go to work. I think a certain amount of these kinds of sexual sins result from men not doing it in the morning and the level of testosterone consequently being high.



AlsoAs for your debates with Ron Jeremy, part of me hopes he gets saved, but most of me says that Jew-boy's got too good of a deal going.



Alex Horton

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

BEN: DIARY OF A HEROINE ADDICT

TV Ontario, October 27, 10:00 p.m.

"Ben: diary of a heroine addict" tells the story of Ben, a young man from England who decided to film the last few years of his heroine addiction.

The documentary contains all the usual things that happen to drug addicts: Ben looses his job; moves back in with his parents; his parents are unable to retire because they've given him so much money; he tries to quit cold turkey and fails. However, this film contains a surprise ending. When Ben is dying, the day before he's supposed to check himself into rehab, he says "Lord, forgive me for my sins."

I am confident that Ben is in heaven today.

YOUR CONSIGNMENT IS READY WITH APEX COURIER

An email appeared in my junk box this morning. Below is the contents of the message with my comments.

Also, the identity said We Trust In God. Why do these niggers that try to pull these scams always have to hide behind Christianity.

- Dear Friend,I have been waiting for you since to contact me for your Confirmable Bank Draft of $950,000.00, but I did not hear from you since for a couple
of weeks now.

Funny, I must have amnesia. I don’t remember saying I’d send you a bank draft.

Then I went to the bank to confirm if the draft has expired or getting near to expire and Dr.Wilson the Director of ECOBANK told me that before
the draft will get to your hand that it will expire. So I told him to cash the $950,000 USD UNITED STATES DOLLARS to cash payment to avoid losing this
funds under expiration as I will be out of the country for a 3 Months Course and I will not come back till ending of January 2010.

I don’t see how it would be in U.S. dollars since I am Canadian. Incidentally, I didn’t know people who took courses in banking graduated with doctorates.

What you have to do now
is to contact Apex Express Courier & Cargo Services as soon as possible to know when they will deliver your Consignment to you to avoid delay.

And they’re going to ask, “What consignment.” Since I never promised you a bank draft in the first place.

For your
information, I have paid for the Delivering charge and Insurance premium.The only money you will send to the Apex Express Courier & Cargo Services to deliver
your Consignment direct to your postal Address in your country is ($125 US) only being Security Keeping Fee of the Courier Company so far.Again, don't
be deceived by anybody to pay any other money except $125 US Dollars.

Don’t worry about anyone else deceiving me. There’s already enough deception around here as it is.

I would have paid that but they said no because they don't know when you will contact
them and in case of demurrage.You have to contact Apex Express Courier & Cargo Services now for the delivery of your package with this information bellow
:Directors Name: Dr.Douglas Williams

I thought his last name was Wilson?

.Tell Phone: +229-93475456, Email: apexpcourier@yahoo.com.hk Finally, make sure that you reconfirm your Postal address
and Direct telephone number to them again to avoid any mistake on the Delivery and ask them to give you the tracking number to enable you track your package
over there and know when it will get to your address. Let me repeat again, try to contact them as soon as you receive this mail to avoid any further delay
and remember to pay them their Security Keeping fee of $125.00 US Dollars for their immediate action.Note this. The Apex Express Courier & Cargo Services
don't know the contents of the Box. I registered it as a BOX of cloths. They did not know the contents was money. this is to avoid them delaying with the
BOX.

And also to avoid them stealing the money. You can’t trust these niggers.

Don’t let them know that box contents money ok.I am waiting for your urgent response. Best Regards,Paul Ozoh.

Why on earth do people get hoodwinked by these sorts of things? Why am I supposed to feel sorry for people who fall for these scams. Even old people should know better.

Instead of feeling sorry for the victims of these sorts of things or getting angry at these spammers, we should be laughing at their pathetic attempts to beat us out of our money.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

THE PRIESTS

Lucy emailed me again concerning The Priests new album. I guess she didn't see the post I wrote about it last week.

I think the thing about the Catholic church that ticks me off the most is their non-thinking nature. According to church doctrine, the pope is the source of all knowledge. This means knowledge on every subject: theological; scientific; historical, etc. Thus, it doesn't matter if the earth revolves around the sun: if the last thing the pope has said on the matter is that the sun revolves around the earth, Catholics have to believe him!

If the pope came out tomorrow and said, "The grass is blue and the sky is purple", Catholics would be going around saying, "Look at that beautiful blue grass" and "isn't the purple sky pretty today!"

They are the enemies of knowledge.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

CENTRE WALK

By Verne Edquist. Toronto: Devondale Books, 1993.

Centre Walk is a collection of reminiscences told by former students of the Ontario School For The Blind, now called the W. Ross Macdonald School. The titles of chapters consist of the name of the alumnist who is sharing their recollections in that chapter. What follows is my commentary on specific chapters.

First, let me say this book isn’t written very well. The foreword and the preface contain the same text, and what should be called the table of contents is called the index. Also, it’s not really in chronological order. You have a recollection from a student who started in 1911 followed by a student who started in 1872.

Ernest Lot
The school didn’t even really have academic subjects until 1916. A lot of schools for the blind were that way in the nineteenth century. The focus was on teaching them life skills. Blind people don’t need to know classic literature or calculus or anything like that. The students went into Principal Gardner’s office and demanded he add more academic subjects. He said, “Get out of my office.” Typical. The place was under the Office Of Institutions And Asylums!

They had square pies.

When the students moved into residences, there was no place to put anything. Typical of the school’s logic.

In this era, they started having the students go home for Christmas. So basically, you went there for ten months straight from the time you were six or so for eleven or however many years. When you graduated, you didn’t have any connection with your community because you’d been in an institution for the last eleven years of your life.

Robert Trouton
He attended the school from 1918-1926. He recalls a student being put in the school prison for putting his boots on his bed. The school had a prison. Why does that not surprise me. He says the handicapped function better as a group. Actually, they drag each other down do to their lack of social skills and thus are unable to function in society when they leave the school.

One kid went to the infirmary, was put to bed and the nurse forgot about him for three days. What a shoothead.

Susan Yonge-Jones-Mosher
She says the school helped her function socially in society. However, this is probably only because she had the foundation before she went to the school. She had five siblings to play with, plus their friends.

Donald And Helen Westbrook
When the students greeted each other, one person would say “Good day” and the other person would say their name. How stupid!

Donald feels the standards of discipline were higher at the OSB. He says that discipline in public schools these days is sorely lacking. He’s comparing apples and oranges. You would have to compare the standards of discipline at the OSB to those of a public school at the time.

The domestic sciences teacher would have a partially-sighted girl measure the liquid. What the buck? There isn’t going to be someone to measure liquid for a blind person when they get out on their own.

They had a sadistic gym teacher. He would cuff boys under the chin or slap them for walking with their arms outstretched, probably thinking they were faggots. One of the senior students pushed the teacher up against the wall and threatened to break the teacher’s neck if he ever did it again.

There was a discrepancy between the OSB’s exams and the Department Of Education’s exams, so the educational standards were lower after all.

The piano tuning teacher didn’t think blind people could do repair work. So much for the school being a place where blind people can excel.

In about 1933 or 1934, George Radcliffe, the night watchman mysteriously disappeared. He liked to go into the girl’s residence at night and look at them naked. Hopefully he got killed. Hopefully one of the girls slit him across the throat with a nail file or a razor blade, or maybe strangled him with an article of clothing.

Donald and Helen met through the school’s music program. They would meet secretly. One night, Helen’s meeting with Donald was reported to Miss Murray. Miss Murray said, “If you are after boys at fifteen, what will you be like at twenty-five.” Helen replied, “Probably selling myself on the street corner since your stigmatizing my sexual feelings which, by the way, are perfectly normal to have at my age.”

However, Miss Murray would take Helen and Donald to social events to perform together so she can’t have disapproved of their relationship that much.

Helen says blind people are told they are being watched by the public all their lives and they have to do better. Sure, you need to act in a way that is acceptable in society, but I ain’t got a bucking thing to prove to anybody.

Herbert Sutheran
He arrived at the school with a bag of chocolate bars given to him by his family. He was shown an empty locker to put them in and was told he could pick them up later. When he went to retrieve the chocolate bars, they were gone. The staff took them. Those bastards!

He was shown to the dining room where dinner consisted of cereal and apple sauce.

Many of the students talk about going to a restaurant, going shopping or helping a neighbouring farmer dig potatoes. Buck. The only time we went off school property and interacted with the sighted world was when we went to the Tim Hortons at Brantford General Hospital.

Bill Clark
He is a Salvation Army preacher, though the book doesn’t mention anything about him being saved. He had a weird teacher in Grade 2 who called him Bee. She said that if Bill couldn’t produce honey then there was no point in her staying the rest of the day. He has written some books and done some other work for CBMI.

Janet Stevens
She says that when she went to OSB, many girls would marry the first man they met when they got out into the real world. She says this does not happen today. Actually, a lot of girls from the school continue to date boys from the school after they leave.

Gerald Taylor
He came to the school for Career Day once. I didn’t attend his session, but the kids who did said he rambled on in a bunch of nonsequiters.

He talks about the school’s attitudes toward sex. He says they weren’t properly informed. He treated women he ran across after he left the school abominably, and even at thirty Gerald’s wife said he was still na├»ve toward women. It was the same way when I went there, really. Anything that happened below the waist was biewed as horrible. If a boy accidentally walked into the girl’s change room or washroom, people would act like it was a really big deal. The kids would make sexual ineuendos all the time.

Jasmin Schuhardt
She used to review descriptive videos for the CNIB’s newsletter, Wordsworthy. Then she went to university to be a psychologist.

She touches on how she really wasn’t prepared for the outside world upon leaving school. She also talks about how she was told to stand up for herself at home, while being told to be seen and not heard at school. I found a similar situation when I went to the school. Girls were sheltered and you got the impression the staff wanted to turn them into weak young women, perpetual damsels in distress, if you will, like Bo Peep or something. I was even told that if the girls were sitting together in the living room and one of them got up to go to the bathroom, the staff would ask them where they were going.

Michael Davidson
He recalls John Howe, whom he calls an excellent gym teacher. When I was there, Mr. Howe didn’t do much of nothing. He left it to the other gym teachers to do most of the actual teaching.

Michael Davidson also has the most humourous anecdotes in the whole book.

Dr. John Vandertoun
He was a music teacher at the school when I was there. He also preached the Sunday sermon at the 2004 allumnai reunion. It was the worst sermon I ever heard. He treated the Bible like a book of good advice.

He also recalls Bill Murphy with fondness. Mr. Murphy retired at the end of the first year I was there, but I found him to be a kind and encouraging man.

Jeff Heeley
Jeff Heeley is probably the most successful attendee of the W. Ross Macdonald School For The Blind, but you have to keep in mind he left the school at the end of Grade 7.