Thursday, August 10, 2017



Scene 1
The new house. Richard, Sharon and Mary Anne are standing outside, in front of the front door.
Richard: Well, let’s open the front door and take a look at our new house.
(They enter. The house is one big room with a floor of rough boards. There is an old camp stove in one corner, and some blankets on the floor in another corner.)
Sharon: What?
Richard: I don’t get it. The contractor promised he was going to turn the old barn into a beautiful open-concept house with an island countertop in the kitchen and a big dining room. He even promised me an herb garden.
Sharon: Richard, which contracting company did you hire?
Richard: Well, I didn’t contact a contracting company, as such. I was in the supermarket and this kind of shabby looking guy came up to me. He said he’d heard about the fire and he wanted to build us a new house. He shook my hand, I gave him five beans from the pound I’d just purchased and the deal was done. I don’t understand. How could this happen?
Mary Anne: I want to check out my room. I assume it’s through this partition.
(She goes to slide back a partition on the far side of the room.)
Richard: Don’t open that—
(A herd of cows enters the room.)
Sharon: Richard, don’t tell me.
Richard: You know that drunk, pot-smoking farmer who helped us out the night of the fire? Well, in gratitude, I promised him he could use half our house to keep his animals.
Mary Anne: Why can’t he keep his animals in his own barn?
Richard: Because he wants to hold raves in there.
Mary Anne: Well, where am I supposed to sleep?
Richard: Pull up a blanket and some floor, honey.

Scene 2
The airport. Sharon and Mary Anne are sitting in the arrivals area.
Mary Anne: I can’t wait to see Dawn again.
Sharon: Me, too. So, do you know anything about this friend she’s bringing along, Sunny?
Mary Anne: I’ve never met her, but Dawn says she’s really fun. She works as a birthday clown.
Sharon: She does sound like she’d be fun. Remember the clowns I used to get for your birthday parties?
Mary Anne: Yeah, but unlike them, Sunny doesn’t perform as part of a prison release work program.
Sharon: There they are!
(Sharon and Mary Anne run toward Dawn, Jeff and Sunny. Sunny has an expression
 Of complete sadness on her face. Mary Anne and Dawn hug.)
Mary Anne: (To Sunny) Welcome to Connecticut.
Sunny: Thanks, Mary Anne.
Jeff: Yo.
Dawn: I’m so excited. I can’t wait to do all the cool stuff we usually do together.
Jeff: Hey, is that family with all the kids still around?
Mary Anne: You mean the Pikes? Yeah, they’re still around.
Jeff: Cool. We could build a spaceship together or something.
Sharon: All set, then. Ready to go home?

Scene 3
The new house. Sharon, Mary Anne, Dawn, Jeff, and Sunny enter.
Dawn: Wow.
Sunny: It’s like my soul, incomplete and empty.
Sharon: Well, the good thing is the cracks in the walls let in a lot of sun.
Sunny: My idea of a perfect house is one that let’s in no sunlight at all.
Jeff: So, did our old house, like, burn down or something?
Richard: Yeah, kiddo, this is our new house, and you can have the wall above your blanket painted any colour you want.

Scene 4
A radio plays.
Anncr: Well, kids, it looks like it’s gonna be pretty hot out there, so, you might wanna find some way to feel less hot or something.
Fade in on the inside of the new house. Everyone is lying on the floor.
Sharon: Well everyone, it’s a new day.
Sunny: Great. A new day so the people of the world can experience more hatred, inhumanity, war, and environmental destruction.
Richard: So, anyone have any good dreams last night?
Sunny: Yes, I dreamed I was kidnapped by terrorists and stuffed in a woodchipper.

Scene 5
The pool. Mary Anne, Dawn and Sunny are lying on beach towels on the pooldeck.
Dawn: This was such a great idea I had for us to go to the pool. You need a new boyfriend, Mary Anne.
Mary Anne: I don’t know. There aren’t many boys here yet.
Dawn: Look, there’s Cole West. He plays Junior Varsity basketball, doesn’t he?
Mary Anne: Him? He’s a ninth-grader. He’s like ten years younger than the guys I usually date.
(Cole West swaggers over to the girls.)
Dawn: Hey. What’s up?
Cole: Me, yo, I’m high on crack.
Dawn: Cool. Well, I’m Dawn, and this (Pausing) is Mary Anne. She just dumped the old man and she’s on the prowl.
Cole: Hey, didn’t you used to go out with Logan Bruno? He’s my connection.
Mary Anne: Yeah. I broke up with him so I could date guys with more money.
Cole: Well, I got a bit o’ cash, some rock left and I just stole a car out this old lady’s driveway. Whadoya say we cruise around for a few days.
Mary Anne: Sure.
(They all follow Cole out to his car.)

Scene 6
The Pikes’ house. Mary Anne and Kristy are sitting on the couch, rum and cokes in hand.
Kristy: So did you have fun in Tijuana with Cole West?
(Jordan enters.)
Jordan: When’s dinner?
Kristy: Well, I’ve ordered a pizza. I don’t know what you kids are going to have.
Jordan: You two suck so bad.
Kristy: Gee, we’ve never heard that from any of our babysitting charges before. (Jordan exits) What’s the matter? You’re usually the first one to speak up when the kids give us lip.
Mary Anne: Oh, I guess Sunny’s worn me out.
Kristy: Oh. So, how was Tijuana?
Mary Anne: Wonderful. I’m hoping we can go back there soon if Cole can get that manslaughter charged dropped. I mean, what was Cole supposed to do? The guy was in his way.
(A knock is heard at the door. Mary Anne and Kristy answer it.)
Pizza Delivery Boy: One medium pepperoni pizza.
Mary Anne: Hey, delivery boy, ever been to Tijuana?

Scene 7
The movie theatre. Mary Anne, Dawn, Sunny, Cole, Jason, and Alex are sitting in their seats, watching zombies tear people apart.
Cole: I hope you enjoy this movie. I’ve always thought chicks liked zomby movies.
Sunny: I can really identify with the huge amounts of dismemberment and death.
Alex: Yeah, pretty awesome, eh?
Sunny: Yeah, but it looks kind of fake. Why couldn’t they have used real zombies and real victims?

Scene 8
The Rosebud. Everyone is sitting at a table, drinking milkshakes.
Dawn: Hey, remember down in Tijuana when we were dancing to that loud music at that bar?
Cole: Yeah, I thought we’d get kicked out of that ballet school for sure.
(Sunny sighs heavily throughout this exchange.)
Jason: What’s her problem?
Mary Anne: Oh, she gets like that from time to time.

Scene 9
The house. Everyone is lying on the floor, under their blankets.
Mary Anne: (To Dawn and Sunny) Are you guys up yet?
Dawn: Come on over.
(Mary Anne throws off her blanket and crawls over to Dawn and Sunny.)
Sunny: Hey, Mary Anne, we were just talking about you and Cole.
Mary Anne: Right. About that—
Sunny: He is so _not right for you. I thought he was at first, but now I can tell he’s not.
Mary Anne: What—
Sunny: I know it might be hard to cut him loose, especially since he seems to have access to lots of good drugs. I know how you are about hurting people’s feelings. But we’ll figure out some way for you to let him down easily, or failing that, I know some guys who can get either you or him out of the country for a while, whatever you prefer.
Mary Anne: Sunny, I—
Dawn: Forget it, Mary Anne. No matter what you think, Sunny’s made up her mind.
Sunny: So, anyway, you’ll dump Cole. Okay, okay, you don’t have to _dump him. I’ll call my contacts in Mexico and—
Mary Anne: Sunny, Sunny, I don’t want to go out with Cole again anyway. I mean, he’s got the drugs and he’s got the car and everything else, but it’s all from somebody else. If a guy’s not smart enough to have his own lab and work out his own deals to get cars, he’s not worth dating.
Dawn: Well, that’s a relief. Did you see those two loosers Cole brought along last night?
Sunny: I know, that Jason was a total Zit farm.
Mary Anne: Yeah, and I could tell by the way Alex was acting that he constantly gets passed bad rock.
Sunny: Yeah, what loosers. Anyway, those guys are so yesterday, literally. It’s time for us to move on.
Mary Anne: Move on? Do we have to?
Sunny: Absolutely. What you need, I’ve decided, is an older guy.
Mary Anne: What?
Sunny: An older guy. Someone mor mature. More exciting. Someone more-_experienced.
Mary Anne: Oh no. That’s not what I need at all.
Sunny: Sure you do. Believe me, there’s nothing like an older guy. They are _so romantic, and so much cooler than those twenty-something loosers you’ve been dating. Like this guy Carson I was seeing for awhile. He was older, and he was so awesome. We met at the beach. He told me he used to host a late-night talk show. Sometimes his friend McMann would tag along. Carson called him his sidekick.
Dawn: Carson? You’re not saying that he would have made a good boyfriend for Mary Anne, are you?
Sunny: Of course not! But someone _like him. Someone who’s lonely and close to death and hates all his relatives.
Mary Anne: Sunny—
Sunny: Don’t thank me. And don’t worry about a thing. I know just what you want, and I intend to find him for you before I go back home. That’s my fondest wish, to see you with a rich new boyfriend with lots of connections.
Mary Anne: Well, I’m going to go get dressed. I guess I’ll see you guys when I come back in the house. Also, Sunny, I’m really glad you’re feeling better this morning.
(Sunny bursts into tears. The Pike boys enter.)
Together: Yo, Jeff. Time to wake up.
Mary Anne: Jeff’s blanket is over there. He’s probably not up yet.
Jeff: (Getting out from under his blanket) Yo, where am I.
Jordan: The decorating squad is here! We’re gonna decorate the wall above your spot on the floor.
Byron: Yeah, how do you want your section of wall decorated, buddy.
Adam: Personally, I was thinking we could just splash the wall with all different colours of paint.
Jeff: Sounds totally cool. Let’s do it.

(There follows a montage of Jeff and the Pike boys splashing different colours of paint on Jeff’s section of wall, as well as everywhere else.)

Scene 9
The house. A knock is heard at the door. Sharon answers it. A delivery boy is standing at the front door. He looks inside the house, sees the psychedelic colours and starts tripping. Sharon takes the tray the boy is holding from him.
Sharon: Jeff, in honour of you painting the section of wall above your blanket, we’ve ordered you a big take-out dinner.
Richard: Yuppers. We’ve got lasagna, garlic bread, Caesar (pronouncing it Kaiser) salad, and chocolate brownies and ice cream for dessert.
Jeff: Whoa.
(Everyone sits down on the floor and starts shoveling in the food.)
Dawn: You know what this lasagna reminds me of?
Richard: A package of rubber bands?
Dawn: Yes, but it also reminds me of the time when we were going to make spaghetti for Mom, and we decided to cook the sauce in the pressure cooker. Jeff and I had no clue how to work that thing.
Mary Anne: Heck, Jeff has trouble working a doorknob.
Jeff: That I do, bros!
Dawn: So, we were cooking the spaghetti sauce in the pressure cooker and then Kristy called up to say there was going to be this last minute fight over me down at the train tracks. So, anyway, I left the house with everything still cooking and caused a huge fire.
Sharon: Yeah, I remember that. Was that on my birthday?
Dawn: No, it was Mother’s Day.
Sharon: All I know is I got really drunk that night.
Richard: Then it could have been any night of the week.
Mary Anne: Ah, memories.
(Sunny bursts into tears and runs away from the area where everyone is eating.)
Sharon: What’s her problem?
Dawn: Oh, Sunny’s just upset because we’re sitting here talking about the good times we’ve had as a family and her parents were recently killed in a fiery car crash.
Richard: Dawn, why didn’t you tell us about that before?
Dawn: I didn’t think it was important enough to mention.
Mary Anne: I better go talk to her. (She goes over to the corner where Sunny is sitting) Sunny, it’s me, Mary Anne.
Sunny: Oh.
Mary Anne: What are you doing in my dad’s room? Listen, I was wondering, I mean, I just wanted you to know—I mean, I don’t mean to pry. I just thought you might want to talk, you know, about—
Sunny: I don’t want to talk about anything.
Mary Anne: I know it’s hard. Like at dinner. I know how that can be, watching everybody else be this happy family.
Sunny: Was that not a riot, about the huge fire Dawn caused in the kitchen?
Mary Anne: (Laughs) Yeah, I thought Dad was going to disown Dawn and Jeff for sure. (Yawns) Well, I guess I’ll head to bed.

Scene 10
The yard. Mary Anne, Dawn and Sunny are taking turns swinging on the rusty swing attached to the tree in the front yard.
Sunny: Well, I’ve seen everything there is to see in Stoneybrook. We’ve been to the pool, the mall, all the bars, the track, and all three casinos. This isn’t a bad town. But it’s limited. I mean, there are only so many people here, and so many places to see. There’s only one really good opium den.
Mary Anne: Chang’s House Of Oriental Good Stuff is a pretty good opium den for a town this size.
Sunny: True. But don’t you want to see more? Don’t you want to experience all the exotic alcoholic beverages the world has to offer? Don’t you want to drink those beverages already familiar to you in a different time zone? Don’t you want to try bungy jumping on meth?
Dawn: Exactly what are you suggesting? (She doesn’t answer) Sunny? Tell us what you’re planning.
Sunny: I’m planning something amazing. I’m planning a trip to the most exciting city in the world. Tomorrow. The three of us.
Mary Anne: I don’t know if my dad will--
Sunny: (Shaking her head) This has nothing to do with your dad. This is just us. Off to Monty Carlo for a magical six weeks on our own! And nobody has to know.
Dawn: You mean you want us to sneak off all the way to Canada?
Sunny: Monty Carlo is in Monaco, in Europe.
Dawn: Sunny. You’re kidding, right?
Sunny: Kidding? Why should I be kidding?
Mary Anne: You want us to sneak off to Europe by ourselves without telling anyone?
Sunny: That’s the general idea. Why is that such a big deal?
Mary Anne: It’s just—
Sunny: You’ve been there before on your own, haven’t you? With Stacey?
Mary Anne: Well, yes. But we had permission. And a plan.
Dawn: Never mind from whom or for what.
Sunny: We can make a plan. It would be more fun without one, but a plan is fine. And as for permission—That’s just a formality. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind. But I want to go tomorrow, and if we ask now, there’ll be one of those long drawn-out decision processes that parents are always involved in. They’ll torture us with “maybe” and “we’ll see” and the next thing you know it’ll be time for me to head back to California.
Dawn: Sunny. Sunny, listen to me.
Sunny: Yes, _ma’am.
Dawn: (Sighing) Look, I’d love to go to New York. It’s a great city, no question about it. And I’d love to show you all the major landmarks, like the Empire State Building and the Statue Of Liberty. We could even go to Ellis Island. That is a totally cool place to visit. We could even go to the site of the mosk or chess centre or whatever it is they’re building at Ground Zero. But why don’t we just wait for the weekend and make it a family trip? I know my mom would love to go too. Richard always has a good time in the city. And Jeff? You could walk him around a wheat field for ten hours and he’d think it was cool so his opinion is of no real concern.
Mary Anne: I thought we were going to Monty Carlo.
Sunny: Dawn, Dawn, Dawn. You know I adore your family. They’ve been wonderful to me. So don’t take this the wrong way. But your dad’s an oaf, your mom’s a lush and your brother should be in a group home. A family trip is _so not what I’m talking about.
Dawn: Oh, no? Then why don’t you tell us what you’re talking about, Sunny.
Sunny: You don’t have to get all bent out of shape, you know. Come on, this is about fun.
Dawn: I like fun. Go on.
Sunny: All right. Here’s the thing. Seeing sites like you were talking about in New York is fun for tourists. Sure, we could see all the casinos in Monty Carlo and gaze at the ocean and tour the royal palace and everything like that. Don’t say it. I know, I’m visiting from California. That makes me a tourist. And someday I’d love to do all the touristy type stuff. But what I’m talking about is different. I want to see the _real Monty Carlo. The Monty Carlo that Monty Carloans, … Monty Carlins, … the people in Monty Carlo see. Wait a sec. Don’t move.
(Sunny runs into the house.)
Dawn: (Closing her eyes) _What is she thinking?
Mary Anne: I don’t know.
Dawn: Shh. She’s coming back.
(Sunny comes back out into the yard waving a magazine.)
Sunny: Check this out. (Reading) Come see the seedier side of Monty Carlo. Where do the down-and-outers live after they’ve blown all their money at this city’s famous casinos?
Dawn: What does that have to do with any of us?
Sunny: You aren’t listening, are you? If we see the seedier side of Monty Carlo, we’ll get to meet the real residents of Monty Carlo. The city is their environment. They know what to do, where to go to have a great time because they’ve blown their entire fortune living it up. Shopping is a part of that because they’ll know all the high-end stores where they can’t get a line of credit, but so are the restaurants where the matre-dis shoos them away as soon as she sees them coming and the clubs where they always sneak in and get beaten up and kicked out by the bouncer.
Mary Anne: Clubs? You mean, like, with music and-and everything?
Sunny: (Pats Mary Anne’s hand) Take a deep breath, Mary Anne. Don’t worry. I’m not suggesting anything wild here. But wouldn’t you at least like to sneak a peek at the kinds of clubs formerly rich citizens of Monty Carlo used to hang out in regularly? Look. It’s not such a big deal.
Tomorrow, as soon as Sharon and Richard make their first run to the liquor store, we’ll head for the airport. We’ll use our fake ID’s to buy tickets, and then we’ll use the people we know at the airport to get through security double quick. We’ll probably be gone for three days before they know what’s happened, and in six weeks, by the time they’ve figured out a plan of action to search for us, we’ll be back in the states.
Mary Anne: How did you figure all that out?
Sunny: I have my sources. (Looking into Mary Anne’s eyes) Look. I really need this. I’m not going to beg, but it would mean a lot to me if you guys agreed to go.
Mary Anne: Well, you seem to have subtly convinced me. Let’s go.
Dawn: Okay. We’ll go.

Scene 11
The airplane. Mary Anne, Dawn and Sunny are on their way to Monty Carlo.
Mary Anne: What did Stacey say when you told her we were going to Monty Carlo?
Dawn: She was so jealous! She said if she didn’t have a sitting job today she’d come with us.
Mary Anne: Gee, that doesn’t usually stop her.
Dawn: Yeah, go figure, eh.

Scene 12
The house. Mary Anne, Dawn and Sunny enter the front yard on their bikes. Richard and Sharon are standing in the front yard with all their stuff.
Mary Anne: Monty Carlo was awesome.
Dawn: I know. We should go back there real soon. (Stops her bike) What’s wrong, Richard and Mom?
Sharon: The drunk, pot-smoking farmer who helped us out the night of the fire came by. He saw the cool psychedelic colours Jeff and the Pike boys painted the house and he decided he wanted to use this house for a dance club instead of his barn. Long story short, he forced us off our land. We’re homeless now.
Mary Anne: Well, let’s go down to the Rosebud for a big bowl of strawberry ice cream.

Closing credits.

Based on “Welcome Home, Mary Anne” by Anne M. Martin.

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