Friday, May 26, 2017



Open with a James Bond-style theme.

An anorexic-looking girl is sitting on the grass with a bunch of fat girls. Suddenly, a helicopter appears, a rope ladder descends. The girl climbs into the helicopter and flies away.

Scene 1
The beach. Marnie and Zach are sitting in Zach’s car. A cat body surfs across a dining room table.
Zach: Are you cold?
Marnie: This is San Diego. It’s like, 30 degrees Celsius. (Marnie’s cell phone rings. She answers it.) Hello … OK, I’ll be right there. … Bye. (She hangs up) That’s my mom. I have to get home.

Scene 2
Marnie’s house. Marnie enters the living room. Her mom is sitting on the sofa. There are seven unopened bottles of liquor on the coffee table.
Mom: Marnie, all these years I’ve drank too much and neglected you. I’ve missed out on so much, particularly a lot of big moments in your life. I have seven bottles of liquor here, the last in the house. I am not going to buy anymore liquor ever again. These are the last bottles of liquor you will see in this house. Starting now, I am going to drink all seven bottles, then I will not go near this vile liquid ever again.
(She proceeds to drink all the bottles of liquor.)

Scene 3
The living room. Heavy metal music is blasting. Marnie’s mom is talking to a squirrel.
Mom: You are my anchor. You are my … my … my anchor. You know that.

Scene 4
Anerexia camp. Marnie is lying in bed. An automated voice comes out of the headboard.
Automated Voice: Time to get up. Breakfast in five minutes.
Marnie: OK, OK.
Automated Voice: Breakfast in three minutes.
Marnie: Wait. It’s only been five seconds.

Scene 5
The dining room. Marnie enters and sits down at a table with a nurse and eight other girls.
Nurse Brown: One of the main things we want to teach here at Camp Anerexia Belemia is that food is good. It’s not a bad thing. It is to be enjoyed in the right amounts. Also, we want to teach you about proper nutrition. Now eat your cold toast, powdered eggs and imitation bacon and drink _both cartons of milk that have been sitting on the table for an hour and a half. (The girls eat.) OK, now we’re going to sit quietly for thirty minutes.
Elizabeth: Hey look at that pretty bird out there.
Nurse Brown: Quiet.
Katherine: Man, that carpet’s an ugly colour.
Nurse Brown: Quiet.
Victoria: So what are we going to do after this?
Nurse Brown: OK, quiet time is over.

Scene 6
The dining room. Marnie and the eight other girls are eating dinner. They have plates of strawberries and cream before them.
Marnie: This reminds me of the last time I had strawberries, about three months ago.
Flashback …
The Delly Parton. Marnie is sitting at the counter drinking coffee.
Swedish Chef: Youen wnaty a joben joben.
Marnie: I don’t know
Swedish Chef: Freeey coffeey, even when nota workenen.
Marnie: Well, all right then.
(The Swedish chef goes into the back. A man enters.)
Marnie: Hello.
Man: Hello. I’ll have a tuna on pumpernickel.
Marnie: Would you like anything with it?
Man: Yes, as a matter of fact I would. With this tuna on pumpernickel, I would like to have you.
Marnie: Me?
Man: Yeah, you. I want you with my sandwich. (Laughs)
(Swedish Chef comes out of the back.)
Swedish Chef: Heyyyy, stopen harassenen the employeeeys. (The man runs away) Now, goen getten the guacamoleeey.
Marnie: Sure.
(Marnie goes into the refrigerator section and gets the guacamole. She pauses, then rips open the container and eats it. She then eats a container of strawberries and some Swiss cheese. She pauses again, then flees the restaurant.)
Swedish Chef: Wait. Wait. I’ll taken it outen yur salary. It’s OK. It’s OK.

Scene 7
The dining room. Marnie and the other girls have finished their lunches and are sitting quietly. Dennis enters.
Dennis: OK, we have a new girl joining us today. Her name is Lily. She’s 8 years old and she’ll be bunking with Victoria and Elizabeth. You have half an hour of free time before group. We’re holding it early because of Lily.
(Dennis exits. Victoria and Elizabeth head off for the garden while Katherine and Marnie head for Victoria and Elizabeth’s room.)
Marnie: I know you’re really good at orientations but could you let me handle this one, please?
Katherine: Sure. I’ll be in the TV room with Mrs. Beauregarde if you need backup.
(Marnie enters the room where Lily’s mom is exiting.)
Lily’s Mom: (Over her shoulder) See you whenever this is over. Love ya. (She says this as she is closing the door.)
(Marnie goes over to Lily’s bed and picks up a little stuffed bear wearing a yellow nightgown with the name Blossom stitched on it.)
Marnie: Hi Blossom. I’m Marnie. How ya doin’? It sure sucks bein’ here, doesn’t it?
Blossom: Yeah, but I’m a simple kind of guy, so as long as I got a bed to lie on, I’m cool. It’s just been a really difficult time with Lily having anorexia and all. I may put up a tough exterior but I’m really a sensitive guy. I just hope this place does something towards getting her to eat normally, you know. I mean, I hope it’s not one of these expensive places where they tell you a bunch of mumbo jumbo and send you back out into the world no better equipped to deal with your problems than before.
Marnie: Well, Lily, want to go on a tour of the place? Blossom, you want to come, too?
Blossom: Sure. I mean, like I said I worry about her and everything and I wanna make sure this place is gonna be the kind of place that will help her.
(Marnie, Lily and Blossom exit the room and walk down the hall into the group therapy room.)
Rhonda: Come on in, Lily. You can sit beside me for today. (Pats chair next to her)

Scene 8
A restaurant. Marnie and her father are sitting at a table. They are eating steak and lobster linguini respectively out of paper bags.
Martin Black: Look, Marnie, you’ve got to stop being anorexic.
Marnie: What?
Martin: And you’ve got to decide what you want to do with your life.
Marnie: What?
Martin: Look, This is really bad for the shareholders.
Marnie: Shareholders?
Martin: Your stock value keeps getting lower all the time.
Marnie: I think we better go. (She starts to cry)
Martin: I don’t see why.

Scene 9
The track. Marnie and the other girls are sitting in the stands with the nurses.
Dennis: Come on, I need to make a house payment.
Nurse Brown: Well, I foolishly spent all my car insurance money on booze last weekend.
Cary: I’ve worked at the hospital five years and I ain’t been paid yet.
Anncr: And they’re off. Floorlamp is in the lead, followed by Dashboard and Big Huge Problem.
Nurses: Yeah.
Anncr: And those three horses have stopped dead. And now the other horses are catching up. Grocery Bag is in the lead, followed by Sir Dipwad and Cargo Ship. And they’re rounding the bend into the home stretch, and it’s Cargo Ship pulling ahead to win the race, followed by Floorlamp and Grocery Bag.
(The nurses are all crying.)

Scene 10
Old McDonald’s farm. The girls are walking through the petting zoo. Old McDonald and the nurses are standing nearby.
Katherine: Here’s a sheep. It’s wool is so soft.
Elizabeth: Here’s a cow. It’s skin is so leathery.
Marnie: Here’s a goat. It’s nuzzleing my hand.
Lily: This angora rabbit seems to like me.
Old McDonald: Glad you like the animals. Now, the nurses called us before you came and told us you girls were anorexic. So, we’re gonna have a big feast. (He proceeds to slaughter the animals before their eyes and cook them on the barbecue.) Eat up.

Scene 11
The ice cream store. The girls and the nurses enter. The girls are still visibly shaken from their visit to the farm.
Nurse Brown: OK, line up and get your ice cream. All of you must get ice cream.
(Marnie marches to the counter.)
Marnie: I’ll have chocolate ice cream with chocolate sauce with Reese’s Peaces in a cup, please.
(The man behind the counter gives Marnie her ice cream. She hands it to Cary.)
Cary: No thanks. Do you know how many calories there is in that thing!
Marnie: Oh please, Cary, take it. Take it. Take it.
Nurse Brown: That’s it. We’re leaving.
(The girls and the nurses exit.)
Clerk: Who were those people?

Scene 12
The nurse’s station. The girls are in line to be weighed.
Dennis: Next, Lily. (Lily steps on the scale) Gained a quarter pound from yesterday. (Lily exits) Next, Marnie.
(Marnie steps on the scale. It reads 100 pounds.)
Marnie: One hundred pounds. I’m practically the size of a sumo wrestler.
Dennis: Well, we don’t have a sumo wrestler, but we do have a professional wrestler. You could try going a few rounds with him.
Marnie: Sure.
(Mick Folly steps out. They proceed to wrestle. Mick has Marnie pinned in about five seconds. They wrestle for many more rounds with the same results.)

Scene 13
The dining room. The girls have just finished having breakfast.
Nurse Brown: OK. Today I want you to play a game. Select one from the corner over there.
(Marnie goes over to the corner where the board games are.)
Marnie: Hey, clue. (She brings the game over to the table) Hey, where are all the pieces?
Nurse Brown: We took them out so you couldn’t hurt yourselves.
Marnie: OK, we can work around this. … It was no one nowhere with nothing.
Katherine: No, it was no one, nowhere with nothing.
Bonnie: No, it was no one nowhere with nothing.

Scene 14
The group therapy room. Rhonda and the girls are sitting in a circle.
Rhonda: The list. (Silence) The list. Whose turn is it to make up the list for the Friday meal. Marnie, I believe it’s yours.
Marnie: I hate this. It’s hard enough to get ten normal people to decide on what to have for dinner. Try getting ten anerexics to decide what to have for dinner.
Rhonda: Well, you still have to decide on a meal.
Marnie: Humus and tofu.
Girls: Great idea.

Scene 15
The kitchen. The girls are standing around the stove.
Jamie: So how do we cook this?
Marnie: (Doing the actions as she explains how to cook the meal) First, you fill a pot with water. Then, you put it on the stove and turn the burner to medium. Then, you add the humus and tofu. When it boils, it’s done.

Scene 16
Grandma’s cabin. Marnie and her family are sitting around the table about to have Christmas dinner. Jacque and Francois enter.
Jacque: Bonjour.
Francois: We are looking forward to ‘aving Christmas dinner with you.
Grandma: Yes, we’re having a traditional Quebec trapper’s Christmas dinner. (She takes a pot off the stove and begins to serve dinner) Boiled seal fat with bief.
Jacque: Hey, hey. Don’t forget the whisky.
(He pulls a bottle of whisky out of his bag. Everyone eats and drinks a lot.)
Francois: ‘ey Marnie, let’s snow shoe back to zat place for the crazy anorexic people where you go.
Marnie: Sure.
(They put on their snowshoes and exit.)

Scene 17
Anerexia camp. Jacque, Francois, Marnie and her family arrive on snowshoes.
Jacque: Hey, bonjour. Bon noel. Good Christmas thing.
Nurse Brown: Marnie, I’m sorry to tell you, but Lily died.
(Marnie bursts into tears.)
Jacque: (Laying a hand on her shoulder) Ahh, little one, we must celebrate her life. Celebouche, celebouche, celebouche
(Francois joins in)

Scene 18
The psych ward. Marnie wakes up and knocks on the window.
Marnie: Help. I’m sick.
Nurse: Shut up. I got a headache from drinking.
Marnie: Help me. Help me.
Nurse: Shut up.
Marnie: Help. Help.
Nurse: If you don’t shut up, I’m going to kick you back to the anorexia ward where you came from
(She enters the room, stands Marnie up and kicks her in the butt. She flies into the anorexia ward and lands at the nurse’s station where nurse Brown is on duty.)
Nurse Brown: Marnie, you look sick. Come on.
(She picks up Marnie, drags her out the door, across the grounds and into the emergency room.)
Dr. Mulligan: Better get her into surgery right away. (Marnie is taken into the operating room where Teetsi and Sidell are standing by the table.) Sidell, hand me my pie lifter.
Sidell: Here’s your pie lifter.
Dr. Mulligan: Teetsi, hand me my tap shoes.
Teetsi: I am handing you your tap shoes.
(Dr. Mulligan removes a snow shoe from Marnie’s brain.)
Marnie: How did that get there?

Scene 19
The anorexia unit. Marnie is sitting in her room.
Nurse Brown: (From offstage) Marnie, telephone, again.
(Marnie goes to where the phone is.)
Marnie: Hello.
Swedish Chef: Howen are you vith the eaten disarder.
Marnie: Swedish Chef, hi. I’m eating a lot and gaining weight.
Swedish Chef: Dat’s gooden. I senden you a cheesecake.
Marnie: That would be great.
(A cheesecake comes flying through the window.)
Marnie: Thanks Swedish Chef.
Swedish Chef: Maybe vwhen you comen back, we can haven an doughnut, or a moofin.
Marnie: That would be great. Bye.
Swedish Chef: Bye.

Scene 20
The garden. The girls are planting zinnias. Rhonda enters.
Rhonda: How’s the planting going?
Marnie: Great. Almost finished.
Rhonda: Good, because it’s time to go.
Marnie: Go? Go where?
Rhonda: Home.
Marnie: Home? When?
Rhonda: Right now. Your mom and nurse Brown are packing your things right now.
Marnie: Then I guess this is goodbye.
(Jim Crotchier appears and sings “Moon Shadow.”)

Scene 21
The cemetery. Marnie approaches Lily’s grave.
Marnie: Hi, Lily. I’m sorry I wasn’t around when you died.
Lily: Don’t worry about it.
Marnie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Closing credits.

Based on “More Than You Can Chew” by Marnelle Tokio.

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