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After a Devastating Comment, She Disinvites Her Sister from Her Birthday Dinner. Now Her Mom Is Mad
When a woman missed picking up her sister due to a friend's emergency, it sparked an argument that resurfaced deep family trauma
By Ashley Vega Published on April 24, 2025 03:32PM EDT
A woman is turning to the Reddit community for advice after her sister’s painful words led her to change her birthday dinner plans.
The 20-year-old begins her post by detailing how she organized a celebratory dinner at a restaurant. She invited her mother, stepdad, best friend and her younger sister, hoping for a joyful evening with her closest loved ones.
But just two days before the event, an unexpected crisis set off a chain reaction. “Me and my sister had an argument because I wasn’t able to pick her up because my friend had a medical emergency and I was the only one with him at the time so stayed with him,” she explains.
In the chaos, she forgot to notify her sister that she couldn’t give her a ride. “I completely forgot I was supposed to pick her up and then went home. I apologized profusely and she was still furious,” the poster writes.
The argument quickly escalated, with both sisters shouting. Then, her sister delivered a blow that cut deeper than any logistical mishap. “She then said, ‘You’re acting just like our dad.’ ”
The poster reveals that their father was “neglectful and emotionally abusive,” often forgetting to pick them up from school and leaving lasting trauma. “This comment devastated me, I still have a lot of trauma I am working through because of our dad and she knows very well these types of comments hurt,” she writes.
Despite her distress, her sister kept repeating the comment, adding “that I’m no better than him,” she writes. Unable to process the pain, the poster left the confrontation and ignored her sister’s calls.
In the aftermath, she made a difficult decision. “I decided to change the birthday dinner reservations from 5 to 4 and texted her that she was no longer invited,” she writes.
Her sister did not respond, and the birthday came and went without acknowledgement from her. “I had a good birthday overall but my sister made no effort to contact me and didn’t acknowledge the text I had sent her," the poster shares.
The situation reached a boiling point on the night of the dinner. “When it came time for the dinner, she called me and was screaming that I needed to change the reservations again to include her because she wanted to come. I hung up on her.”
The poster had already informed the rest of the group about the situation, and they seemed to accept her decision — at least at first.
However, the evening took another turn when her mother confronted her at the restaurant. “My mum told me she was disappointed I couldn’t be the bigger person. I was shocked and asked what she meant and she told me what she said ‘wasn’t that bad.’ All throughout dinner, she kept saying that I needed to get over ‘silly disagreements.’ ”
Feeling unsupported and misunderstood, the poster left after paying for the meal and has not spoken to her mother since.
Now, she finds herself replaying the events and questioning her actions. “I keep thinking about what happened and I don’t know if my mum was right, I don’t know if should have been the bigger person.”
Commenters seem to see both sides of the coin here.
"Remember your sisters reaction is likely also due to your shared trauma and hopefully you both can eventually see each other's trauma and heal," writes one.
"What bothers me more is your mom’s reaction," adds another, "as it sounds like she took the opportunity to minimise your hurt, and she doesn’t consider what your sister said to be that bad, perhaps because she does not understand how badly it affected you, or because she figures you are overreacting, or perhaps because any negativity about her ex makes her happy when she hears it. Who knows? Mark this as a lesson learned - when your sister is annoyed with you and feels angry with you, she will go for the jugular, and your mother will expect you to allow it without consequence. Remember that, and police your relationships with family accordingly."
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