PARODY TIME-AWAKE! MAGAZINE

Open on a TV studio. The host is sitting at a desk.

Host: Hello, and welcome to the Awake! TV show, this January 22, 1997. Tonight the main thing I wish to talk with you about is tolerance. Now, tolerance is a word we’re hearing a lot these days, but what does it really mean? Well, let’s take a look at the opposite of this word, namely intolerance. Now, there are extreme forms of intolerance, such as wars between ethnic groups. Then there are less extreme forms of intolerance, such as a serious adult frowning upon a boisterous child, or a person who’s more caughtious frowning on a person who is more enthusiastic. Or, as I just said, intolerance takes more extreme forms such as wars and genocide. And yet, one can’t be tolerant of everything. We need morals in society. The question then becomes one of striking the proper balance. Let’s say, for example, there was a group of people in society, a religious group, let’s say. Now, let’s say those people liked to prostletize by going around and knocking on people’s doors early on a Saturday morning. Now, those people whom the religious group is trying to reach would have to be tolerant of those people bothering them, and the religious adherents would have to be tolerant of being threatened, sworn at and insulted. I mean, this is the way they do things, and no amount of evidence it’s growing increasingly futile and producing very few results, or that, even if it’s producing good results, there’s a better way to do it, or even just tolerating the fact other people have their own religion and they’ll seek the religious group in question out if they’re interested in them is going to change that. Or let’s say this religious group enjoyed the freedom that comes with being tolerated in this society. They even sent their children to the public schools. However, tolerance dictates society would have to go further and respect this group’s wishes not to sing the anthem of the country that allows them such freedom, or by permitting the children of this religious group not to attend Remembrance Day cerimonies which honour the men who fought for that freedom in the first place. The issue of tolerance also hinges on the issues of bigotry, narrow-mindedness and morality. Now, let’s say that religious group, the one that knocks on people’s doors and tries to foist their ideas on them, let’s say this group had ideas about other people’s ideas. Let’s say this group believed other people should listen to their ideas, but the members of this religious group weren’t even allowed to read literature or listen to material containing others religious ideas. That would not be an example of bigotry or narrow-mindedness at all. That would be perfectly tolerant. Now, turning to the issue of morality, let’s say this religious group was against, I don’t know, blood transfusions, for example, because the Bible forbids eating blood and eating blood and having it injected into you with a needle are somehow the same thing, the way a needle eats a record, y’know. Well, society would have to tolerate that, too. So, in conclusion, viewers, what I guess I’m trying to say is, when you go door knocking, and someone by chance let’s you into talk and doesn’t threaten to break your legs, if they should by chance serve you some food you don’t like, eat it anyway, huh. And, don’t laugh at their foreign accents. I’m talking to you, Brother Aloysius. Oh, and don’t allow your teenagers to watch Canadian Blood Services commercials. And now, here’s brother Aloysius with our young people’s segment.

Aloysius: Thanks Tom. Today, we read a letter from Lisa who writes, “A few years ago I began a relationship with a non-believer, a non kingdom hall Jehovah’s Witness. One day, after a few sips of wine, we decided to have sexual intercourse and I got pregnant as a result. I hid the pregnancy from my parents and congregation. I went to the shack of a Native woman who lives in the woods near our kingdom hall to have the baby. We had been reaching out to her so I simply told my parents I was on an extended prosletizing visit. When I returned home, I was pleased to discover my baby was a good baby who hardly ever cried, so I don’t think my parents suspected anything. However, the baby does cry at meetings, and I think some members of the congregation are getting suspicious. Should I confess my sin?” Well, Lisa, we’ll get to the answer later, but now let’s watch this video on the Everglades.

(A video comes up on the screen. The title THE EVERGLADES: AN URGENT MISSION FIELD can be seen.

Anncr. The Everglades of Florida are the home of a complex ecosystem containing some of the world’s most interesting wildlife. Yet, this fascinating nature area is under constant threat by man. For example, the manatee, found only in Florida, is constantly being injured or killed by the propellers of motorboats. We recently sent a team of pioneers to the Everglades to address this situation.

(Two Jehovah’s Witnesses are standing in a swamp.)

Jehovah’s Witness 1: Hello, Mr. Alligator, we understand your spouse got poached recently in order that someone could make them into a purse.

Jehovah’s Witness 2: We just wanted to talk with you about the coming paradise where things like that won’t happen anymore and you’ll be reunited with your loved one for eternity.

(The alligator eats the two Jehovah’s Witnesses. The video ends. Back to the studio.)

Host: Well, that just about wraps up our program for today, but before we go, let’s take a look at our twisted verse of the day. In the New World Translation, Ephesians 6 4 says we should bring up our children in the discipline and mental regulating of Jehovah, but in other Bibles the words used are actually fear and admonition, which means we want to raise our children to have reverence for God, as well as gently correcting them when they do wrong, the way God does. This is in contrast to trying to control what a child thinks, as our denomination likes to do. Until next time, this is brother Tom saying end of TV program.

Based on the January 22, 1997 issue of “Awake!” magazine, published by The Watchtower.