Tuesday, July 2, 2019

PARODY TIME-THE HEART-DIARIES-MOLLY OSBERG


I met Amelia in grade 9. We had a class together and we became friends, the way you do in high school.

We became such good friends because we’d both decided to start doing drugs very heavily a little while before we met.

Neither of our parents really cared what we did-which sounds cool but was actually horrible because Amelia and I craved structure and discipline.

We spent most of our time high on drugs so I don’t actually remember that much about our friendship. I do, however, remember the time we went to New York together. Amelia’s older sister had an apartment in a housing project out there and we visited her one weekend.

The Friday night, Amelia and I were standing on the fire escape, high as usual, and we kissed, passionately, because of course due to all the homosexual propaganda we’d been fed in the nineties we didn’t know what orientation we were. After we kissed, we just stood there for a moment, then the black guys who lived above Amelia’s sister climbed down their fire escape onto ours and beat us up.

After about a year, Amelia and I drifted apart. She started to get more into demolition durbies and I started to get more into self-loathing.

I see Amelia once a year, when I go to visit her grave. Let’s just say she never lost her interest in drugs and she died in a gutter some years ago, I can’t remember when exactly.

That’s another thing. People constantly tell me all the drugs I did back when I was friends with Amelia affected my brain in quite an adverse way. As far as I’m concerned, I can still count to one and that’s all that matters.

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