Monday, February 13, 2012


"Where are you going to go, Bob? To the ocean, Bob? You don't know anyone in the ocean, Bob."

"It made me feel like taking a nice, warm bubble bath."

"I raised you from an embryo to a fetus to a baby."

"There is this thing women have had since the mid-1970s called equal rights."

"Sir, I saw you drinking from a puddle outside."

"I like to play racist bingo. Under the N..."

"Castor's a vegetarian. He only eats Lucky Charms and beer."
Pours bottle of beer over bowl of Lucky Charms.
"Castor, go to your dam!"

"Imagine, a guy goes to a bar, sees some guys playing poker, goes home, and draws a picture of dogs playing poker."

"Well I've learned that some people who appear to be happy are really unhappy."

"It is just a box of glass ... but that is what the ugly woman deserves to wear on her foot."

"No, Death, take me with you."

"Don't let Chinaman screw you like he screwed me."

"All this time we never told you that Horsey is actually your father."

"I'm just hanging out here because my town burned down."

"What are you laughing at, moon? Would you like to share it with the class, moon?"

"I'm going to go drive drunk to get you off my mind."

"I claim this chest in the name of Spain."

"Shoes! Why did you think I'd want shoes for Christmas!?"

"Son, I got you a puppy, ... but on the way home I got hungry and I ate him."

"The doctor said he'd come as soon as "All Creatures Great And Small" was over."
"Ma'am, do you have any pie?"

"But Daddy couldn't quit drinking. Daddy drank for the government."

"I was too scared to answer the phone in Vietnam, but maybe I can answer it now."

"Screw you, taxpayers."

"One, two, three, Night Day!"

"Always wait an hour after you drop acid before you go swimming."

No comments: