Babylon Bee
Oprah Surprises DNC Attendees With Free Gift Under Each Seat: Their Own Illegal Immigrant
POLITICS
Aug 22, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
CHICAGO, IL — Oprah Winfrey wowed delegates at the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night when she asked them to check under their seats to find a free illegal immigrant of their very own.
"You get an undocumented immigrant! And you get an undocumented immigrant! You all get undocumented immigrants!" Oprah yelled from the convention stage.
The audience erupted with applause and shouts of joy as each attendee discovered the illegal immigrant who had been hiding under their chair the whole time. Men, women, non-binary, and furries alike were overwhelmed with joy — a joy which Oprah promised was but a taste of the great joy to come under a Kamala Harris regime.
"Wow! My very own Guatemalan!" said Susan Heins, a single mother from Seattle. "I've always wanted a gardener!"
Duke West, a performance artist from Delaware, quickly produced several paper ballots for his illegal immigrant to fill out. "Just put 'Kamala Harris,'" he said.
Sally Newton, a delegate from California, was eager to add her new illegal immigrant to the growing collection she had back home.
The illegal immigrant giveaway was the best-kept secret at the convention. Somehow, no one noticed the hundreds of poor migrants who were huddled together under the seats of Democratic delegates the whole time.
Oprah was just glad to be a part of it.
"There's nothing more joyful than free labor," she said. "Laaaaaabooooooooor!"
José, an immigrant from the Mexican state of Hidalgo, said it was his dream to work for a white woman for less than minimum wage. "Is everyone's dream," he said.
At publishing time, Joe Biden expressed his frustration that he didn't qualify to receive a free illegal immigrant.
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