TRAINING FOR CELA PATRONS MAY-JUNE 2026

Join us to learn more about CELA and how to access accessible format books on different devices. Join us for our upcoming webinars in May-June 2026:

1.Accessing CELA using a Victor Stratus DAISY Player

Do you own a Humanware Victor Reader Stratus 4M or the new Stratus 2? Were you receiving books on CD and want to continue using the Stratus for CELA content? Are you considering getting the Stratus to access reading materials from CELA? Join us for this hour-long webinar about how this versatile device lets you read CELA’s books and magazines in audio and e-text formats. This webinar is for new Victor Stratus users or those interested in learning new ways of using this player. By attending this webinar, you will learn about:

• General features of the Victor Stratus, and what’s new with the latest model
• Configuring the device for use with CELA
• How to navigate and manage your Direct to Player bookshelf
• Reading a title and playback options
• How to find help in using the Victor Stratus with CELA

To register for the online Zoom webinar please select the link below and fill in the registration form. To attend by phone, please call the Contact Centre at 1-855-655-2273.

Tuesday May 12 2:00-3:00pm EDT

2.Getting Started with Accessible Reading Canada: Listen to CELA Audiobooks with Alexa

Join us for a live webinar introducing Accessible Reading Canada, a new way for CELA patrons to enjoy CELA audiobooks using Alexa-enabled smart speakers. This 60-minute session will walk you through how to use voice commands to search, browse, and listen to audiobooks from your CELA Direct to Player Bookshelf using the Accessible Reading Canada Alexa skill.

This webinar will cover:

• What Alexa-enabled smart speakers are and how they work
• How to set up and use the Accessible Reading Canada skill
• How to use voice commands for browsing and reading
• Where to find help guides and additional support

After the presentation, there will be a Q&A session to ask additional questions. This session will be recorded.

To register for the online Zoom webinar please select the link below and fill in the registration form. To attend by phone, please call the Contact Centre at 1-855-655-2273.

Mon June 22 3:00-4:00pm EDT

 

To register for a training session, select the link with the webinar date and time. (You will need to adjust the times for your region - all times given on the website are in Eastern Time.)

Once you have registered, you will receive your own individual link to join the webinar, with the option of adding the information to your calendar.

Recorded versions of previous webinars are available on our Webinar recordings page.

For information on upcoming patron webinars, see the Webinars for you page on the CELA website.

We hope you will join us. Please contact CELA if you have any questions.

CELA Member Services
1-855-655-2273, press 2
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WHAT LIFTS MY SPIRITS ABOUT SPRING

There are two things that lift my spirits about spring.

The first is the spring peepers. I have to confess I'd never even noticed these little frogs and their parents till a few years ago. I'd heard tree frogs

in late May and early June, but, while I enjoyed them, I'm not sure how much I even cared about hearing this other breed of amphibian.

I first became intentionally conscious of the spring peepers about four years ago after reading the biography of a blind mechanic named Eric Davidson.

Spring peepers and croakers were one of his favourite things. One night in late March I went out to my backyard to take advantage of the comparatively

warmer temperatures after winter. I heard the high-pitched peeping and knew what was making that sound.

Since then, this time of year I make an effort to get out every night to listen for at least a little while.

The second thing that lifts my spirits about spring is getting to wear rubber boots. I guess this hearkens back to being a kid. Rubber boots, and a new

pair at that, always meant springtime, which also meant the end of winter and the soon approach of the summer holidays.

One other possible reason for my fondness for rubber boots is we wear them for a fairly short period of time, between the snow boots of winter and the

shoes that come with the ground drying.

THE PSYCHO WHO ADVISES TRUMP

Say what you will, neocons and Christian lovers of the people of Revelation 2 9 and 3 9, Candace is still putting out good stuff. We should not stigmatize the mentally ill, but nor should they be in the Oval Office. 

MORE PROOF PAULA WHITE IS A COMPLETE IDIOT

This short also proves she is totally unqualified as a Bible teacher. Yes, there are lots of wonderful promises throughout God's Word for people today, but the Scriptures must be read, studied, understood, and applied in context. 

PARODY TIME-THINGS I HAVE TO TELL YOU

THINGS I HAVE TO TELL YOU

Open on a high school cafeteria. A female art teacher stands at the front behind a podium. A few students sit at nearby tables.

Art Teacher: Well welcome to poetry night. I’m quite excited to be the mc of this first-time event. Tonight, we’re going to hear poetry specifically written by our female students. (Looks at list) Our first reader will be Teek. Step up to the mic, Teek.

(Teek approaches the microphone, pulls out a piece of paper and begins to read.)

Teek: This poem is called “Me Saying Stuff.”

I’m saying stuff

Like why conform to what white society wants,

Let’s conform to

What black society wants instead.

Let’s do that

Even though what we think of black culture in this country

Has nothing to do with traditional African culture or values.

Let’s just put ourselves in another box

Make everything about race and oppression,

Not think for ourselves

And be swept along with the tide out to sea instead.

(Teek returns to her seat.)

Art Teacher: Very good. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything so outside of the box. Our next reader will be Marion.

(Marion steps to the mic and reads.)

Marion: This poem is called “I am the Best-looking Woman in the World.”

Man, I really am

The best-looking woman in the world.

I mean, wow!

There really is no woman on this planet

More beautiful than me.

I just had to write this poem

Because if I don’t constantly tell myself

As well as everyone else

How stunning I look

Then who will?

(Marion returns to her seat.)

Art Teacher: Very good, Marion. You’ve no idea how rare and gratifying it is to encounter a girl with your healthy level of self-esteem. Our next reader will be Xiang.

(Xiang steps to the mic and reads.)

Xiang: This poem is called “I May be Female but I’m Just Like a Man.”

I admire all the transgender superheroes

And other characters out there

Because, and I want to make this abundantly clear,

I am not trans at all,

Though I am, was and will always be a female

Till the end of time

And even beyond that

Still I am exactly equal to

And like a man in every way.

I am just like a man

Because I love cars

Or at least I know they exist

Which is exactly the same thing

As being a car guy.

Yet, I still am forced by society

To choose not to walk down certain streets at night,

Not out of fear of rape, robbery or murder

But because I might see a spider.

I am so afraid

Of those bloody things.

My mother has fallen into the female subservience trap.

The other day I asked her why she gave up her dreams

Of being a work-from-home wine critic,

And she had the unmitigated gall to respond

“So I could devote my time to caring for

You, your father and brother,

You ungrateful little brat.”

Well, I’m not going to turn out like her,

The stupid cow.

(Xiang goes back to her table.)

Art Teacher: Very good, Xiang. You truly will help enable womankind to live on Mars someday. Our next reader will be Anna.

(Anna steps to the mic and reads.)

Anna: This poem is called “Will Everyone Stop Obsessing Over Me Already.”

The other day I went to the coffee shop

To get me some java.

The girl behind the counter asked,

“Medium regular?”

Medium regular!

How did that serving wench

Know I was a lesbian?

I could tell just by the way she said that

That she’s totally obsessed

With this fact about me.

I can tell by the way everyone looks at me

And talks to me,

Just like her,

That they are totally obsessed

By my attraction to my own sex.

Well, just stop it already!

My sexual orientation

Is none of your business.

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

(Anna returns to her seat.)

Art Teacher: Very good, Anna. You have an awareness of the way the world sees you that most people even slightly older than you don’t possess. Our final reader will be Jennifer.

(Jennifer steps to the mic and reads.)

Jennifer: This poem is called “Bad Hair Day.”

On the day we broke up

I had a lock of hair slightly out of place.

Thinking it over later

Of course this is the reason you said goodbye.

It couldn’t have been the way I never use deodorant,

Or don’t do anything whatsoever about my zits,

Or don’t practice much else in the way of personal hygiene,

Because those are all personal choices

I make for myself,

Whereas I couldn’t control that stray hair.

Art Teacher: Very good, Jennifer. Now if you could quickly go back to your seat, please, I would appreciate that. Well, audience dismissed. I guess I hope we can do something like this again sometime.

(The teacher and students exit.)

Closing credits.

Based on “Things I Have to Tell You: poems and writing by teenage girls” edited and compiled by Betsy Franco. 

RADIO-RELATED STUFF: AN ANOMALY AND MORE

Farewell, Bob Kevoian.

Red Eye Radio was repeating its first hour in its fourth hour Wednesday night into Thursday morning.

County FM Picton was coming in really well late last night with some good tunes. 

FRANKLIN GRAHAM SAID THIS AT TRUMP'S INAUGURATION

This short is worth watching. Christian Zionists will bring about the antichrist for sure.