MOM WHO BREASTFEEDS FOUR YEAR OLD DAUGHTER SPEAKS OUT AFTER CRITICS CALL IT INAPPROPRIATE

PEOPLE

 

Mom Who Breastfeeds 4-Year-Old Daughter Speaks Out After Critics Call It 'Inappropriate' (Exclusive)

By Tereza Shkurtaj  Published on March 22, 2026 05:30AM EDT

 

Shinnai Visser is sparking conversation online for her unapologetic approach to extended breastfeeding and holistic parenting.

 

On Instagram, where she goes by @mindful_mamma_za, the 34-year-old shares an intimate look at her life — from home birthing both of her daughters to homeschooling and nursing well beyond infancy. While many followers praise her openness, others have criticized her choice to continue breastfeeding her 4-year-old.

 

“I’ve heard comments implying that it’s inappropriate, unhealthy or that it creates too much dependence. Some people assume it’s about my needs rather than my child’s, which couldn’t be further from the truth,” Visser tells PEOPLE exclusively. “If you have ever breastfed, you will know I am not doing this for me."

 

Visser claims her decision is deeply rooted in research that challenged what she once thought was “normal in Western culture.” She explains that her perspective shifted after learning more about how breastfeeding is approached across different cultures.

 

“When I learned that humans historically breastfed far longer than we do today, it reframed the idea that extended breastfeeding is unusual. It’s not biologically strange — it’s culturally unfamiliar," she insists.

 

That understanding has shaped what breastfeeding looks like in her day-to-day life, which she says varies greatly between her two children. With her 4-year-old, the experience is entirely child-led.

 

“Some days she nurses once, and other times she doesn’t ask for a few days,” Visser says, adding that at this stage, “it’s very minimal and very intentional. It’s brief, calm and led by her.”

 

With her 20-month-old, however, it’s a completely different rhythm. “She feeds countless times throughout the day, honestly, I couldn’t even put a number on it, and she still nurses a few times during the night,” she shares.

 

For Visser, that frequency is expected. “That’s developmentally normal for this age and often serves as comfort and support through teething, growth and big developmental leaps.”

 

Beyond nourishment, Visser emphasizes that breastfeeding at this stage plays a key role in emotional development.

 

“At this age, breastfeeding is less about nutrition and more about co-regulation,” she explains of her older daughter. “A 4-year-old is still developing emotional regulation and impulse control. Breastfeeding offers a familiar, calming sensory experience that helps regulate their nervous system.”

 

Visser describes it as a moment of connection, rather than a habit. “It’s a moment of stillness, connection and safety. The child’s body settles, breathing slows and emotions soften,” she says, comparing it to how adults rely on comfort rituals. “It’s a relational regulation tool, not just a feeding one.”

 

When it comes to the benefits of extended breastfeeding, Visser says she has seen “greater emotional regulation and a deep sense of security” in her 4-year-old. She also points to what she sees as a strong balance between attachment and independence.

 

“Independence grows best from secure attachment, not forced separation,” Visser emphasizes. In her view, meeting emotional needs early allows children to grow more confident over time. “Breastfeeding doesn’t replace independence,” she says. “It supports it by ensuring emotional needs are met, not suppressed.”

 

As for when she plans to stop, Visser is intentionally leaving that decision open-ended and says she will continue as long as it feels “mutually right” for her and her children.

 

“My decision will be guided by my child’s needs, my own capacity and our relationship,” she explains. Rather than setting a strict timeline, she’s allowing the process to unfold naturally. “Weaning doesn’t need to be rushed to be healthy,” she says. “My 4-year-old is naturally weaning herself, and it's magical to witness.”

 

Visser also believes there’s no universal answer when it comes to ending breastfeeding, but rather that it should be an “individual” choice.

 

“For some families it’s earlier, for others later,” she explains, adding that she prefers “a child-led process supported by parental boundaries and intuition, rather than an age-based cutoff imposed by social expectations and society.”

 

Despite the ongoing criticism, the mother of two remains confident in her choices and encourages other mothers to do the same.

 

“Educate yourself, trust your body and remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation for what works for your family,” Visser tells PEOPLE. “Confidence comes from understanding that there is no single ‘right’ way to mother — only informed, intentional choices rooted in love and respect for yourself, and your child.”