A LOVE LETTER TO MY HOMETOWN

I currently reside in my hometown, having moved here when I was five from a farm near another small town just seven miles away. Though over the years I've thought of moving, I am now content with the fact where I'm living is home.

 

Some people have suggested I move to Toronto. However, these people don't realize the fact a disabled person gets the same amount of government financial assistance per month no matter where they live. I'm just sort of managing to live where I do now on the 1400 dollars I get from the provincial government. I can't imagine what it would be like trying to make out on that amount in the city. There'd be plenty of things to do, but I couldn't afford to eat, let alone partake of the plethora of fun and enriching events.

 

Additionally, I once ran into a young woman who had a brother who was also blind and lived there. She related how he had fallen in the hole of a construction sight while the workers just stood there watching. She also told how her brother had given someone a twenty dollar bill so the person could buy cigarettes for him, only to be told the bill her brother knew to be a twenty was actually a ten and that her brother owed the person ten more dollars.

 

Contrary to moving to a bigger centre, a disabled person living in a small town as I do just has to adapt to and embrace a few things.

 

First of all, though there isn't the range of activities as in a city, there's always something to do, or at least this is the case in the town in which I reside. There may be only one concert in the park or card party at the Legion you can get to, but if you're flexible enough and are willing to go along, you'll have fun, meet people you know and have some good conversation into the bargain.

 

Second, there isn't public transit, but it's a matter of building connections with folks who are willing to give you a ride. I often joke my small town does have public transportation. Start walking in the general direction of whereever you wish to go. After a while, a friend, acquaintance or even a stranger will pull up beside you and ask where you are going and if you want a ride. Once you reach your destination, odds are you will meet a similar person there who can give you a ride home.

 

Just as in any human love relationship, my hometown is far from perfect, but the positive traits about it are what cause me to do anything but make plans to leave. 

THE HOTTEST DAY OF THE YEAR

The most memorable hot spell I ever experienced occurred at the end of May 1995. On a Monday, the temperature reached 30 degrees, something I was able to more vividly imagine than previously because I had recently seen TV programs about sub-Saharan countries where that was the normal daily high. 

 

I don't remember much about the school day itself, but at the end it was announced over the PA system that school would be closed the following day due to continued high temperatures being forecast. This is the only time I remember school being cancelled because of hot weather, as opposed to being shut down a few times throughout my childhood with the heavy snow in winter.

 

When I returned from school I went up to my room as I usually did but Mom told me to stay downstairs as the upstairs of our house was just too hot.

 

That night, my sister and I slept in the living room on the sofa bed, which was special because normally we only folded the couch out when relatives came for Christmas.

 

I don't actually remember too much about the following day. In the morning my sister and I played in the pool. I can also remember Mom trying to get ahold of a heating and air conditioning company in Belleville about having central air installed.

 

At noon I turned on the radio to hear whether school would be closed for a second day, but the newscaster said it would be open. 

A TRIBUTE TO THE BABYSITTER WHO USED TO CHANGE MY DIAPER

You led me into the room

where the act was performed

The sun shone through the window

and your attitude was so warm.

You laid me down on the vanity,

Never shaming me for what I'd done in my pants,

Your tender ministration

to this day enchants.

You conversed with me through changing

Leading me through the process thereof

This toddler gratefully receiving

your kindness, care and love.

I wish I could express in person

this recollection from when not very old,

Mundane things done for a little child

May very well reverberate untoled.

A POEM ON THE DEATH OF MY SISTER

Mary's gone,

gone away.

Summer days

we'll never have.

Country drives

we'll never take.

Empty chair

at the table.

Mom now lives

all alone.

Nothing will ever be the same. 

ABDL IS NOT PEDOPHELIA

There are numerous resources online addressing this issue, but none explain this misconception quite satisfactorily. You get conservatives like Matt Walsh and Misha Petrov still conflating the two things, Petrov even saying, "But they're attracted to adults acting like children." In other words, abdl is a way of having sex with a child without having sex with a child.

Quite the contrary. ABDL stands for adult babies and diaper lovers. The interest in doing things as an older person which are generally associated with younger people goes by many different handles, but abdl seems to be the most common so I will use it, as well as its being most illustrative of the point I am trying to make in this post. 

The A, or adult, part of the acronym is the most important and oft overlooked letter. The attraction, sexual or otherwise, (and lots or most of the time it is, in fact, otherwise) lies in the fact that someone who is very obviously an adult in every other way is comfortable enough with themselves to engage in activities most other adults would be too embarrassed to because these activities are associated with children. This can and does include putting on a diaper (a garment usually attached in word and actuality with babies and the most private functions of the human body) and using it.

When I was in school there was a girl in my class who was sweet, kind, smart, and mature. However, this 16 year old would often talk in a baby or little kid voice. I wasn't personally attracted to her, but as an abdl I could understand how other guys in my community could be interested in the young woman because of her way of talking. This mature teenager with so many good qualities was totally comfortable talking as if she was quite little indeed.

To use another example: You're on a plane with a woman sitting beside you. You get talking and you find you quite like her, as a person if not romantically. Unbeknownst to you, she doesn't get up to go to the bathroom. Looking at it another way, maybe when she gets home this high-powered, intelligent, friendly, interesting career woman or stay-at-home mom or housewife will go into her nursery, wrap her blankee round her finger, stick her thumb in her mouth, and play with her toys to relax.

That, really, is the best way I can explain this objection which I am sure will only grow bigger and bigger in the near future.

WHO IS MS. GILLY?

I have written to inform and entertain you.  You probably don't know much about me, but I will answer some questions about myself.  You might just be surprised.

1  Where and when was I born?
Answer- October 24 1979, in a farming community about two hours from a major city.

2 What is my actual name?
Answer Gillian Rose Ardiel, the middle name is from my great-grandmother on my father's paternal side.  The first name is from when my mom taught 2nd graders and had a little girl named Gillian.  She thought it would be the perfect name if she ever had a little girl.

3  Who was my childhood hero?
Depends on the time period: when I was four or five, He Man.  I had the action figures.

4 What did I like best about farm living?
Answer- The fact that I could go with my dad to help on the tractors one minute, and go running through orchards with my sister or cousins the next.  Also not having cable TV forced my sister and I to use the imaginations God gave us.

5 Whose my spiritual hero/heroine?
Answer- My Maternal grandma, for you readers out there who are grandparents, it's important to be praying grandmas or grandpas.

6  What's my favorite hymn or worship song?
Answer- For worship it's a toss up between "Fairest Lord Jesus" and" How Marvelous."  For more contemporary songs it's either "Always" or "Lead me to the cross."

7 What do I love doing?
Answer- Aside from going to church, walking or cooking, I love finding out facts about obscure history.  E.G. In 1846 an Austrian physician decreased maternal deaths simply by washing his hands like the midwives did in his hospital ward.

8.  What's my favorite color?
Answer- It's a tossup between black and turquoise. 

9. What was my happiest moment?
Answer- Again a tossup between my Baptism and going to Europe last spring.

10. Thing that hurt the most?
Answer- Two things, one when my guidance counsellor told me in front of my parents I was mentally retarded and should be happy getting a job at Wallmart.  The other was when someone I thought was a friend told someone else that she hoped I would be raped and killed.

11. What do I think is the best way to worship God?
answer- Get off and put down the device, put on your shoes and coat, and head your rump out for a walk.

12. What would I tell young people?
Answer- Life is quite interesting, get to know someone your classmates make fun of, you just might be a hero, and take a moment to sit down, unplug, and just think. 

13. What food would I eat if given the choice?
Answer- Indian curries for meals, and this would muck with my diabetes, but anything chocolate for dessert.

14. What time of day is my favorite?
Answer- Late afternoon, things have long since settled in to a rhythm, and the day has plotted out its course.

Gillie

PRAISING AND REJOICING

After something potentially could have gone really wrong, it's so nice to have it turn out as well as it has.

LOOKING BACK-NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2012

            Based on notes to myself.

On a day when I was feeling very discouraged, I got to minister the Word to a few different people.

I was thinking a lot about "South Park" at this time.

Was reading Lee Strobel's books.

Heard about Sandy Hook while listening to a top 40 station from Italy online. They broke into their Friday night dance party program with coverage.

Was making friends with a guy down the street.

A week before Christmas, another friend and I had the best day together we'd ever had, just looking at funny things on YouTube all day.

My sister kept a couple hamsters at my place for a few days.

Was grooving to a lot of good music at this time, from new alternative rock to older alternative rock to blues to jump blues to standards.

For Christmas, we went over to a former neighbour's house. We had different kinds of Oriental soup, pork wrapped in a lettuce leaf, duck, roast beef with all the trimmings for the main course, and lots of good desserts.

For that wonderful time known as the week between Christmas and New Year's, I just hung out, read and relaxed. I was listening to a fair amount of AM 740 at this time.

For New Year's Eve, went over to the local pub in a snowstorm. I got really lost. Fortunately, a woman walking her dog happened by and steered me in the right direction. I was only a few minutes late for my reservation. I had Cornish hen, a really good dessert that I can't remember what it was and a couple glasses of wine. The pub worker drove me home and I gave her a hug. Then I watched the ball drop in Time Square, then listened to "As It Happens: The Midnight Edition".

The next day I spent downloading stuff from the internet, then went over to mom's house for dinner.

LOOKING BACK-FEBRUARY 2002

Based on notes to myself.

I was in high school at this time.

Sitting in my room brailling down titles of books I wanted to order from Wordsworthy, the CNIB's now defunct newsletter.

I received a magazine at this time called "Conundrum." It was a braille puzzle magazine produced by RNIB.

Used to listen to Pastor Charles Dowell on WBCQ Wednesday nights.

Was also really into stand-up comedy at this time.

Also watched "Mad TV" every Saturday night.

"21 C" on CTV.

I loved listening to Roy Green and Larry Silver when they were on CFFX Kingston. In fact, I was obsessed with those guys. I was obsessed with the whole radio station because of the innovative things then Program Director Lorne Matthews was doing with it.

LOOKING BACK-SEPTEMBER-NOVEMBER 2012

Based on notes to myself.

I remember this time as being a particularly good period in my life.

Mom took a trip to Halifax in late September/early October.

I had gotten a couple braille books I had ordered from the CNIB and had been wanting to read for years. I particularly enjoyed one about Mexican "border blaster" radio stations. I would read that one every night while listening to the local college radio station.

I attended a weekend men's retreat at our church's campground in September. It was a wonderful experience overall. I got a lot closer to some of the men in our church and even started a new friendship.

My birthday occurred in this time. My sister gave me an old security object I had had as a kid and a new version of the same. She came and got me and took me over to Mom's house. I opened presents then dined on the sloppy Joe's my sister had made for dinner. They were good.

When I got home from my birthday dinner, I stood on my porch in the cool essence of the fall night and thought about my life. Then I went inside and listened to football on the radio because it seemed like the appropriate thing to do and there was nothing else on the radio.

Speaking of porches, I had a new porch put on my house at this time by some men from my church who were contracters. They did a wonderful job. It was cool having them at my house during the day.

A couple weekends before my birthday my sister and I walked around the fair and looked at stuff.

I was learning to bake around this time and I made two pumpkin pies for Thanksgiving dinner. My mother and sister said the pies were good. Actually, the pies were the only good thing about that weekend.

When Hurricane Sandy hit, we got some of the high winds from it. I anointed my house and didn't suffer any damage. In fact, other than a sign that had gotten blown dangerously out of place our town didn't suffer any ill effects.

I was listening to coverage of Sandy on some of the New York radio stations. I mentioned listening to the stations to the girl at the local pizza shop. One of the customers spoke up and said, "That's satilite." I replied that it was AM. To think that these days people don't know you can pick up stations from far away on mediumwave.

Around the time of Hurricane Sandy and the U.S. election, I was feeling really productive. I would get up at 8:00, even 7:30 one morning, which gave me an opportunity to do some AM dxing. Of course, getting up earlier meant I could get a lot more done in a day which made me feel more confident.

I also started thinking more about "South Park" during this time.

I went out with my friend for breakfast one Friday morning in November. It was a good time and a good conversation.

LOOKING BACK: JUNE-AUGUST 2008

Based on notes to myself

Listening to "The Lumpy Gravy Radio Show" every Saturday night.

Listening to "Beacon Of Truth" broadcasts every weekday afternoon.

Also listened to "Rewind" on CBC every week.

Swimming in the pool on a night in June; a perfect way to start the summer.

I was really into the shows that were on TV Ontario twenty to forty years ago at this time. I would surf Matthew Broszkowski's TVO Kids forum and Rick Ambrozick's site constantly. I would think about the shows all the time and imagine having my own TV station that broadcast stuff like that. I would also look up old TV Ontario clips on YouTube, of course.

I used to drink a lot on Sunday nights, Maliboo Coconut Rum in particular.

Thought a classmate from college had gotten into network marketing but it turned out her email had been hacked.

Had a phone meeting with the woman who ran the health expo at that time and gained a customer. It gave me such a boost in my self-confidence, not only of course because I now had another customer but also because of how professionally I acted.

LOOKING BACK-JULY-SEPTEMBER 2012

Based on notes to myself.

That was a good summer. I would spend the morning downloading rap music. In the afternoon I would go swimming at my mom's place.

Got back in touch with a friend from college.

Trying (and failing) to keep my network marketing business going in the face of no longer having a merchant account.

Distraught in the wake of an argument with a family member.

Made a new pen pal through the online Matilda Ziegler Magazine.

Thought I was going to have to participate in jury duty but didn't end up needing to.

LOOKING BACK-JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2012

Based on notes to myself.

Getting closer to the Seventh-day Adventists.

New people were showing up at the jam at the Amazing Coffee, like Roger and Brett.

Got back in touch with some relatives from Dad's side of the family.

Went to a rehearsal of the Jubilant Singers and Orchestra in the GTA. It was nice spending a Saturday in the city.

LOOKING BACK: MAY-JULY 2012

Based on notes to myself.

On Victoria Day, I heard about a party taking place at the house of one of the jammers on Canada Day.

My friend and his wife moved into a new house.

Reading classical music magazines from England on the front porch.

LOOKING BACK-FEBRUARY-APRIL 2009

Based on notes to myself.

Signing up for the health expo at the Kiwanis Centre. The guy running it let me sign up in a different way as the sign-up form wasn't accessible.

Going to concerts at Amazing Coffee.

Trying to sign up blind people for the network marketing company I was with. My eferts came to nothing.

I was into watching "John From Cincinnati" on Bold at the time. In fact, I watched a lot of Bold back then.

It was at this time I made the first real friend I ever had around here. He approached me at church one day and asked if I would like to do something together sometime. I said sure and the following Friday we went for coffee at Tim Horton's. We had met a couple years previously and at the coffee shop we really hit it off. I asked him if Monday we could go to Amazing Coffee instead. He said sure and so we went there and played cards. After that we went to his house where I met his sweet, kind, loving wife. The three of us jammed together.

The next week I went over to their house for dinner.

I really look at this time as a high point in my life.

He also became a customer of mine after seeing my stuff at the health expo.

I was reading "This Hour Has Seven Decades" at this time, the autobiography of Patrick Watson. Very inspiring.

LOOKING BACK-JULY 2012

Based on notes to myself.

On Canada Day I went to this great party at the house of one of the people I jam with. There was live music and I chatted with fellow jammers. I also drank wine and rum and cranberry juice, in addition to having a fair number of hits of marijuana. It was a great counterpoint to the acrimony of the jam earlier that day.

The next day one of the jammers called me up to ask how I enjoyed the party.

Two days after that, my aunt and her husband came down for a few hours. Mom had been having a problem with the electricity in her basement. It turned out it was a simple matter of flipping a switch, which they ostencibly came all the way down from the GTA to do. Obviously, super kind of them. However, they also brought lunch, cold meats, salad fixins and this really good bread from a bakery in Toronto.

My worker from CNIB was supposed to come that day. The visit by my relatives was short notice and he ended up coming over to Mom's house and having lunch with us.

Singing at the nursing home with an older lady who is a friend, songs like "All Through The Night", "Side By Side", "Little Brown Jug", that sort of thing.

Looking up music on YouTube from a list in a magazine article I'd read.

Also, going through hip-hop blogs and discovering all sorts of old-school (and new) acts.

One Saturday night I listened to a couple of cds I'd made which included (but were not limited to) music from the early part of the twentieth century originally on wax cylinder records. I decided I wanted to cut my nails, but discovered I'd lost my nail clippers. After a frantic search I gave up and got another pair from my mom.

A few months later, I found the nail clippers in a bag of clothespins. I had cut my nails after bringing in the laundry and mistaken the nail clippers for a clothespin.

LOOKING BACK-NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2011

Based on notes to myself.

A lot of this period in my life was spent trying to get along without Dad. What a lot of people don't realize is that, in a situation like this the tears you cry are mostly for yourself: whose going to do this for me?, whose going to do that for me?, whose going to take care of the maintenance for the family?, whose going to take care of the yardwork?, etc.

At this time I and the men who worked at Scriptures for America were still adjusting to the death of Pastor Peters. It didn't help when some jerk named Jack Kundis sent me an email insulting Pastor Peters, even though the obituary I wrote on my blog plainly showed how much he meant to me. You can be sure I had some imprecatory prayer for that guy.

Applied to different shortwave stations for work.

Was looking up different radio stations on the internet.

Two friends of mine introduced me to their friend. The plan was to have him take me to singles events and stuff in the area. More about that in a future post. It only took my friend having him over twice before he actually got up the courage to ask him to be my wingman.

Took a ride to Kingston with a guy from church, the same one who had laughed at me at the French gourmet dinner. We spent most of the drive talking about sex and how I, as a single guy should get married as soon as possible because that was what the Bible says. Actually, the Bible says you should marry if you have a girlfriend and you can't control yourself sexually with her. I think a lot of what the guy from church was saying was his attempt to asuage his guilt over something he had done to his wife before they got married. He kept going back to the old thing of, "What would Jesus do?", which is so bloody ridiculous. I mean, what would Hitler do? What would Elmore Leonard do? When people ask what Jesus would do, they really mean the Jesus that they personally have in their minds, the one whom their comfortable with and who approves of basically everything they're doing. They don't really mean the Jesus of the Bible, and if they do, it doesn't occur to these people that, along with his recorded actions while here on Earth, Jesus also gave us all the rest of the Bible for our guidance and learning.

I was learning to play the harmonica.

I got back in touch with a buddy from college who had gotten a job doing news at the local radio station after one of the previous news staff became an MPP.

I also made a new pen pal through an online magazine for the blind.

LOOKING BACK-SPRING 2009

Based on notes to myself.

Had started listening to Glen Hauser's "World of Radio" regularly.

I would also listen to "The Lumpy Gravy Radio Show" every Saturday.

My friend had just started a new job doing lawn errations.

I would scan books into my computer in the late afternoons.

LOOKING BACK-JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2013

Based on notes to myself.

Ordered a couple books from CBM Canada.

My friend had started his own show on Blog Talk Radio.

Speaking of my friend, I went over to his house one day. A friend of his was there. We sat and had coffee and a great prophecy was prophecied over me.

Looking up Birmingham bands I read about in an article.

Joined Elance.

I was listening to different stations while I downloaded books from Wattpad, one of them being CKWS-fm. I was listening to that station on a Monday morning. It gave me a pastoral feeling.

That same day my sister came to the door informing me I had a package waiting at the post office. I went to pick it up. I tried to pay for it with my debit card but the machine wasn't accessible, necessitating me to go down to the bank and get some cash. I returned to the post office and paid for my parcel. It was an external hard drive full of stuff I had ordered from someone.

Later that afternoon the local Seventh-day Adventist pastor took me out for dinner at Sub-way. It was truly a spirit-filled time. All the time I was literally thinking, "Does this really have to end?"

Read one of the books I got from CBM at night. I learned a fair amount from it.

Needed to replace the battery in one of my smoke detectors.

Had some trouble with the external hard drive. It only came with one cord. I finally got ahold of the guy who sold it to me and he said it just needed a genaric square-connector USB cable. I used the one off the printer.

Went to the Ablaze conference one weekend. It was truly a defining moment. There was some question as to whether we would go because we had gotten a blizard that Friday. However, we drove carefully and made it to where the conference was being held just fine.

I was concerned I was going to be too cold there but I ended up being too warm and having to take blankets off.

There were a lot of good sessions and good speakers.

I met some people there and hopefully made some new friends.

The food was really good, too. Any place that serves pancakes and waffles in the same meal is all right with me.

For packing material, the external hard drive was wrapped in old copies of a braille music magazine from England. I enjoyed reading about the modern classical artists featured in those magazines. I perused them while listening to "Canada Reads."

Was also listening to K-rock Kingston a lot in the week before the Ablaze Conference.

MORE FUN WITH TELEMARKETERS

Got another call about a week ago from one of those computer scammers.

As always, I pretended to go through the steps with the guy. It was a different process from the ones before. When the wog got to the part involving the event log, he asked me what I saw. I said I saw an event about a pancake breakfast and a couple other things I don't remember.