BARBARA SMUCKER IS INVADING MY LIFE

Tonight, we got a call about a car running into a horse belonging to one of the Amish families that live around here. Later on, two slave-girls showed up at my door seeking freedom, and an elephant got ran over by a train.

BANISHED

by Waldemar S. Jeske. Nashville, Tn: Southern Publishing Association, 1967.

This book seems pretty far-fetched.

On August 2, 1914, Waldemar Jeske's family was ordered out of their village along with all the other German-Russian families in the Ukraine. They were forcibly sent to Siberia. I had not previously heard of this event.

Some of the events in this book seem pretty hard to believe, such as the Siberian prison guards not allowing the prisoners to weep, or poor Siberians being so hungry they took bites out of their own flesh.

This book is pretty interesting, though. It contains a lot of neat information about the Kirghis, one of the native tribes of Siberia.

CKWS-TV, CHEX-TV NEW SCHEDULES

This is probably the last year I'll be doing this. With the switch to digital coming next August 31, I won't be able to pull out the old analog TV with antenna on Labour Day to check out what changes CKWS and CHEX have made. Besides, with the two stations becoming more homogenized and adding more Cbc programming every year, monitoring their new schedules is frankly becoming less fun.

At 7:00 a.m., the two stations pick up a feed from CBCNN, whereas the main Cbc stations have Cbc 4 Kids. This is a good move on CKWS and CHEX's part. Kids shouldn't watch TV when they first get up in the morning.

From 8:00 a.m.-2:00 p.m., there is really no change from last season:

8:00: infomercials
8:30: Life Today
9:00: Cbc 4 Kids
10:30: CKWS-infomercial; CHEX-Rod Hembrey
11:00: The People's Court
12:00: Cbc News
1:00: Oprah

At 3:30, both stations have "Vicky and Kristena's Grocery Bag" a cooking show which is quite entertaining. It is probably produced by Corus Entertainment, the station's parent company.

At 5:00, both stations have "The Insider." This is a good move since people can see the show right when they get home from work instead of waiting till after dinner.

At 11:35, both stations still show David Letterman, and CHEX still has multicultural programming on the weekends.

REPLY AWL

In the editorial of the August issue of Chatalaine, the editor says the magazine has been talking to Canadian women to find out what they want in their magazine. They're trying to be all things to all women. They've got an article about the oppression of women in Africa next to an article titled "Making Over Your Makeup Bag."

An itim in the Nutrition section advises women to eat a Happy Meal rather than a Big Mack because it has fewer calories. I would advise people trying to loose weight not to eat fast food at all.

The Food section has recipes for a rehearsal dinner. Why do we have rehearsal dinners? We've been having weddings for thousands of years.

REPLY AWL

The August 30-September 6 issue of Maclean's has an article about Brian Wilson's upcoming album of Gershwin music. Why do so many of these old rock stars have to put out albums of other people's music? Make something new!

In the same issue, there is an article about Japanese companies hiring retired workers. I admire people who are retirement age who keep working. A fair number of retired people seem unhappy.

There is also an article in the same issue about Ray Fleming's new biography of Peter Gzoski. Gzoski doesn't sound like he was a really good person, due to his arrogance, numerous affairs and poor performance as a father. However, I can't fault him for making up stories about his childhood on the radio. The number one rule of radio is keep it happy. People wouldn't have wanted to hear about how he grew up unpopular and with an absent father and mostly absent stepfather. They wanted to hear about him playing hockey and that he had a wonderful father. Making up things about himself was just part of Gzoski's on-air persona.

FRANKLIN W. DIXON, CAROLYN KEENE KILLED IN PLANE CRASH

Famous children's authors Franklin W. Dixon and Carolyn Keene were killed today when the plane they were travelling on crashed in the jungles of Brazil.

Dixon was the author of the Hardy Boys detective series, Keene the author of the Nancy Drew detective series.

"They will be sorely missed," a spokesman for Siman And Schuster, the two's publisher said in a statement.

Franklin W. Dixon and Carolyn Keene were 143 and 140 years of age respectively.

REPLY AWL

The August 23 issue of Maclean's has an article about Mao Jin-Yu, the grandson of Chairman Mao. He's never actually done anything and is childish. He's like George W. Bush and Barack Obama combined.

In the same issue, there is an article about the reprinting of the Judy Bolton books. Judy Bolton was a contemporary of Nancy Drew. All the books were written by a Canadian woman. Unlike the Nancy Drew series, the criminals in the Judy Bolton stories were never entirely bad. That's the problem i find with a lot of Canadian literature and TV series: the "bad guys" are given too much sympathy. People want to see the hero or heroine defeat a really mean, dispicable villain.

The August 31-September 6 issue of Maclean's has an article about a woman who was stocked by a man for 36 years. He had a disturbed personality and "could find anything he wanted in the Bible." This sounds a lot like the father of a friend I had growing up. He had met my friend's mother and kept bugging her until she agreed to go on dates with him. He was a mental case who claimed to be a Christian, even though there were rumours and some potential evidence he abused his wife and children and his attendance of church consisted of watching Benny Hinn on Sunday mornings.

There is definitely a fine line between "pursuing a girl" and stocking.