GRIEVING MAN REFUSES TO GIVE DECEASED WIFE'S CLOTHES TO HIS SELFISH SISTER

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Grieving man refuses to give deceased wife's clothes to 'selfish' sister

After his personal loss, a widower fields shocking family comments

By Maureen Mackey Fox News

Published September 1, 2024 12:36pm EDT

 

A man who shared a dramatic personal story on social media has received over 22,000 reactions to date in a short time, with an additional 1,400 people weighing in with comments.

 

Writing on the Reddit page known as "AITA" ("Am I the a--hole?"), a man who said he lost his wife to ovarian cancer described a scenario involving his sister and his mother.

 

"My wife was a corporate lawyer and mediator," he wrote.

 

"She had some very nice work clothes. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and was gone in two years. The last six months of her life were hell," the man added.

 

He said that his sister, "Sarah," "didn't do jack---- for any of us during that time."

 

He also said, "My wife never liked her. I do not like her. She is a selfish cow."

 

However, the man went on, "at my wife’s wake, she started asking about my wife’s clothes, and I brushed her off."

 

He said his sister "wanted to pick out a few pieces to ‘remember my wife by,’ and I ignored her."

 

The man wrote that it's now been "six months, and I've attended my mom’s birthday, but I’m still not in the mood to deal with people."

 

Then his sister came by, he wrote, "asking about my wife’s clothes."

 

He told others on the platform, "I told her my wife wanted me to donate them to this women's shelter, and she often helped [there]. It will help women in need with their own court cases, court appointments and job interviews."

 

But the man said that his sister claimed "my wife was even selfish in death. I asked her what the f--- did she mean? And she started going off on how my wife always thought she was better than her, and it's not fair that the clothes are going to charity and not to family."

 

The man went on, "I told my sister I would rather see my wife’s clothes lit on fire than on her back."

 

At that, the sister "started crying, and my mom came over to see what was wrong. My mom told me to be easy on my sister," given that the sister was supposedly taking the death of her sister-in-law "hard."

 

The man wrote that the "insanity" of that comment from his mom "made me grab my gift and leave."

 

He added, "My mom acts like I had to ruin her birthday by being melodramatic, but I cannot believe their emotional blackmail toward me" over the clothes left by his wife "that they have no right to," he said.

 

He then asked others for their opinions.

 

Fox News Digital reached out to a psychologist for insight into the personal story.

 

"He is absolutely" not in the wrong, said Kathy Nickerson, PhD, a California-based clinical psychologist and author who specializes in relationships.

 

"No one is obligated to give away items from their spouse who passed, unless their spouse specifically asked them to do so (or is written in a will/trust). So he has no obligation and to do so out of guilt — not because he wants to — would just add to his suffering."

 

She also told Fox News Digital via email, "I am very disappointed that his sister would address this at a wake (not appropriate) and again at a family birthday (not appropriate) and that she would call the woman who passed ‘selfish.’ It is the original poster's right to decide where these clothes should go, not the sister's right."

 

In the top "upvoted" comment on the platform, a Reddit user wrote, "Your wife was better than your sister, who has the character of a, well, you said it, a selfish cow. I'm very sorry for your loss. You are not being melodramatic; you are reacting to something ugly and insensitive in a very normal way."

 

"The world is full of kind, supportive people who will offer you more of what you need than your blood relations."

 

This same person went on, "I think you might be wise to avoid your mother and sister for a while (your sister maybe forever; her character isn't going to change, and she has no qualms about saying terribly hurtful things if she thinks they further her selfish goals)."

 

The person also said, "If there's a group for young bereaved spouses in your area, maybe through your religious denomination or through a community mental health center, you might find people there who are sensitive to what you're going through and can offer you kind peer support."

 

The user added, "Donate those clothes in your wife's name to the charity she supported as soon as you're ready to do so."

 

The person also said, "The world is full of kind, supportive people who will offer you more of what you need than your blood relations. Please walk away — you've already gone through enough."

 

Said another person, "Who asks for things at a person's wake? How inconsiderate and ignorant can a person be?"

 

This user added, "I am so sorry for your loss."

 

And "I love that your wife wanted to donate her clothes to [a charitable] organization."

 

The writer went on, "And I agree with [the other] person's comment. Find a grief-share support group. It literally saved me years ago. Check with local churches."

 

Another person shared this thought: "Does your mom or sister have access to your house when you are not there? If they do, get the keys back."

 

Maureen Mackey is managing editor of lifestyle for Fox News Digital.