Monday, January 31, 2011

REPLY AWL

The following are all comments on articles that appeared in the December 27 issue of Maclean’s.

Almighty Fumble: Maybe what God wanted Steve Johnson to learn from fumbling the ball in the Bills-Steelers game was that you can’t always get what you want.

Banmania: Nothing To Fear But Wi-fi And Floride And …: There are thousands of studies documenting the harmful effects of floride. It’s what’s left over from smelting aluminum. That can’t be good for you! Go to PubMed and type in “floride treated rat.” I don’t know if wi-fi is bad for you, but sometimes you’ve got to wonder about all those extra electrical signals floating around these days. And, sure, take a swipe at the “birthers” (because we have to automatically label people who disagree with something the mainstream media says) even though nobody seems to have found a genuine copy of Obama’s birth certificate yet.

Keep A Close Eye Out For The Signs: Don’t get me wrong. If one of my employees came to work everyday with black eyes and bruises, I would definitely inquire if she was a victim of domestic violence. However, Ontario’s new law governing domestic violence in the workplace (which I don’t recall asking my MPP for, by the way) is another example of forced samaritanism. Now I am obligated to act everytime I notice something that could be a sign of domestic violence, for fear that ignoring it will result in serious consequences for the possible victim. Small business owners don’t have time for all this investigation of sexual harassment/domestic violence stuff.

This article is sandwiched between an article about a man who had been under investigation by the police for selling meat to his friends without a (probably unnecessary) inspection from the Canadian Food Inspection Agency, and an article about whether or not Huddarite businesses should be taxed. My prediction is that, five years from now, small businesses either won’t exist or will be close to being on their way out.

Not In My Backyard: So the big trend now in England is public orgies? A far cry from the country that once sent missionaries around the world. I definitely disagree with orgies. However, I have no problem with an unmarried couple making out or a married couple having sex in the woods, as long as they practice some measure of privacy.

Also, 600 mature trees were cut down in a park in order to stop this practice. I thought they were all mad over environmentalism across the pond.

Where Did All The Oil Go?: Dollars to doughnuts it’s either been stolen or they’re just saying there’s less oil to drive the price up.

Much Less Music: You know mainstream media is in trouble when a station is applying to the CRTC to reduce its broadcasting hours from 24 to 18 hours a day. It was just a few short years ago that TV stations were all about going 24/7.

"THE 1950'S CALLED. THEY WANT THEIR SEGRIGATION POLICIES BACK."

Oh boy. I sort of understand what they're going for, but I still don't like it. I envision a very slippery slope, and I don't trust humanity to avoid it.

In Lancaster, PA, they've seen that having role models helps kids do better. So, at one high school,
they're going to separate some of them by race and gender and put them with a teacher of the same race/gender.
What's really weird is the NAACP is behind them. Whaaat?

I understand the role model thing. But I think those should just be around. You shouldn't have your role models decided for you. And if you need someone
of the same race/gender being your home room teacher, do you need one of the same race/gender teaching you every subject? How long until, in the name of
having role models, school districts decide you need your own schools and that's where you have to go, and it's for your own good? Just how long? We've
done the "Separate but equal" crap before. It didn't work.

(Separate but equal didn't work? Desegregation hasn't worked. Look at urban schools in the United States and Canada. The fact is, black people did better in school before desegregation. Some of the all black schools were the top schools in their city in terms of academic performance. One reason black and white students were separate was because black children and white children learn at a different pace.)

Man we humans are stupid.

(We sure are. The Civil Rights Act is proof of this.)

Click the link above to see the blog I took this from.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

ANDY HERMANN LEAVES NICK DIGILIO SHOW

Producer Andy Hermann has left The Nick Digilio Show, which airs on WGN Chicago.

Hermann was second to none. He was lightning quick on the board when Nick needed reverb or a sound clip. He and Digilio had a great rapport, where at times it seemed one could anticipate what the other was thinking.

Andy will be missed. All the best in your future endeavours.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

REPLY AWL

In the December 6 issue of Maclean's, there is a review of a new book about the Kennedy assasination gathered from interviews with the remaining members of JFK's security force. The reviewer seems intent on the opinion that it was Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone, even though there is a mountain of evidence that it wasn't. Type John F. Kennedy deathbed confession into YouTube and watch the first video that comes up.

In the December 13-20 issue of Maclean's, there is an article about a book titled "Dear John, I Love Jane" about straight women who turned lesbians. Likely it is the increased amount of demonic activity in the world which is causing this.

In the year in review section of the same issue, there is an itim highlighting what a banner year 2010 was for gay rights. I would caution homosexuals, it gets worse; it is going to get much worse.

THE BILLBOARD BOOK OF NUMBER ONE HITS

Heartaches By The Number: Pastor Peters has done a version of this song. Here is an approximation of some of the lyrics:

Blessing number one was when you
Died on the cross.

I’ve got blessings by the number,
Praises by the score.

The book does mention Guy Mitchell’s death. I was mistaken.

El Paso: My parents have an album this song appears on, “The Master’s Call.” It is actually quite a good album. The title track in particular just blew me away the first time I heard it.

I have also heard all the songs from the original album on which this song appears, “Gunfighter Ballads And Trail Songs.” I don’t find that album to be very good.

The first time I heard this song was in a commercial for Old El Paso taco kits.

The Smothers Brothers did a parody version of this song called “The Streets Of Loreto.”

I met a cowboy
On the streets of Loreto,
He had an outfit
And I had one, too.

If you want to be a cowboy
Get yourself an outfit,
Then you will be
A cowboy, too.

Theme From A Summer Place: Why does the CBC not mention the fact Percy Faith was Canadian?

By the way, Fred Bronson, its Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, not Canadian Broadcasting Company. The CBC has always been incorporated.

Alley-oop: I first heard this song on an 8 track version of the album “Goofy Greats.” My friend’s father had said 8 track, and he was playing it in the car when we were going down to the lake for a swim. Being obsessed with 8 tracks at the time, I thought it was absolutely cool he had an 8 track player in his car.

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini: This song was created to encourage the immodesty that would come later on in the sixties.

Double Exposure did a parody version of this song. In 1997, the Ontario government allowed women to go topless in public.

Mike Harris on where you can go
Topless in Ontario.
It’s OK to show an itsy bitsy Teeny Weeny
Little bit of your bekini.

The only other line of the song I can clearly remember is:

Don’t go topless down on Yonge Street.

The Twist: This song was created to encourage the promiscuity that would come later in the sixties. A clear case of if it looks like a duck, has feathers and quacks, it’s a duck.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

PUMPKIN'S STORY

Ever since I was a baby I have been a huge animal lover. It all started on a farm in the middle of nowhere. When I was two we moved to a small town into
a 100 year old brick house, which used to be the old church manse. All my life I had cats, dogs, birds, rabbits, and many other animals.

I feel the best cat we ever
had was Pumpkin, an orange tabby. When I was thirteen, my friend and I found her in our back yard. She was in such rough shape. Her right ear was so badly frostbitten it was stuck down so she could not hear out of it. She was so hungry. She probably had not eaten for a long time, so I took her up to the house and gave
her food and water.

Shortly after she arrived, my mom discovered Pumpkin was pregnant. Pumpkin stayed. We kept feeding her and she became my friend. I became really taken with this fat orange cat.

One day we got a phone call
from our neighbours. They told us to come right over to their garage. When we got there Pumpkin was feeding seven tiny kittens. Wow, they were so small and
cute.

We knew they could not stay their in the neighbour’s garage so we took them to our attached shed. For weeks we help take care of them and watch them grow. They
were all different colours. The only male was orange just like his mom. The smallest and the biggest one were grey and white, than their was a grey
and black tabby, and two calicos. The one calico had six toes on her front feet just like her mom. I found it odd that only one of the kittens had
that, but that made her more special.

I spent the whole time while they were growing up playing and bonding with them. I wanted them to be used to people
so one day they would be great cats just like their mother. Once the kittens were old enough to be rehomed we made sure they would go to great homes and
all of them did. It was sad seeing them leave, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

Once they were gone we took Pumpkin over to the vet to be spayed
the vet found she was full of worms and said she might not survive the surgery. Luckily she pulled through nicely and we got the meds for the worms and also the
ear mites that she had. We got them cleared up and got her to put on weight. She turned into an amazing cat. She was my buddy. She gave us lots of love
she wanted to pay us back for saving her and giving her a second chance.

Then, one fateful day, one of our neighbours from across the road came over asking for
my mom. I told her she was out back. Soon after that, my mom came in and told me the awful news. Pumpkin had been killed. She had gotten hit by a car. The news
just hit me. I spent most of the day crying for the loss of my pal knowing I would never be able to hold her again. It pained me. My mom thinks what probably happened
to Pumpkin was the car came at her on her deaf side and she did not hear it coming.

After that loss I learned that other animals out their also needed
second chances at life. I now spend my life helping and saving animals just like I did for my friend Pumpkin.

Click the link above to see the blog this story originally came from.

Friday, January 21, 2011

THE BILLBOARD BOOK OF NUMBER ONE HITS

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes: Though I am not a big fan of The Platters, this song is absolutely wonderful.

My aunt has a funny story about this song. She and my mom used to go to this outdoor skating rink at Mitchell Field in Willowdale that would play “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes” at least a few times a night. The rink had a steam machine that would clear out the culverts to keep them from freezing. One weekend afternoon, the steam machine started doing its thing while there were skaters on the rink and huge billows of steam filled the area. At that moment, they started to play “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes.”

Venus: I wonder how many people objected to this song mentioning a Greek godess?

The Happy Organ: This song is absolutely terrific! I remember it from “The WRVO Playhouse.” I later found my parents copy of the record and was overjoyed. Tim Tron plays it on “Radio Tim Tron Worldwide” on WBCQ sometimes, and it gives me a special feeling whenever I hear it.

Kansas City: This song always makes me think of a quote from “Newhart” made by Larry:

“Deryl wants to go to Kansas City. He hears they got some good-lookin women there.”

Wilbert Harrison died October 26, 1994. The book doesn’t mention this, for some strange reason.

The Battle Of New Orleans: This song is testament to the kinds of songs that could be hits back in the fifties. Something so intelligent and patriotic would never be allowed on the charts these days.

Johnny Horton’s last song was “I Hate Niggers.” This may have led to him being killed by the establishment. The car accident could have been murder. The fact that Horton was afraid to fly might be further evidence of this.

Parody versions of this song include a song by Homer And Jethro about summer camp that I can’t remember too many details about. There is also a parody version about Hurricane Katrina:

“They stole TVs
And they stole DVDs
And they stole a few things
That they didn’t even need.”

I would have to question the historical accuracy of the line about them filling an alligator with cannonballs, though.

A Big Hunk O’ Love: I always thought this song came out later in Elvis’s career, around the time of “Viva Las Vegas.”

My parents have the 8 track version of “Elvis Sails.”

The Three Bells: This song is lame, maybe only because we hear it so often.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

ACCENTING THE ANNOYANCE OF TELEMARKETERS

Had a telemarketer call me a little while ago from a company called AandK Phone Systems or something, offering me a free cell phone. He identified himself as Mike Watson. Judging by his thick Indian accent, though, like buck he was "Mike Watson."

His accent was so thick I could hardly understand him, which isn't usually a problem for me.

Just another example of satire becoming real life.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

MARKET AMERICA COMPLETES ACQUISITION OF SHOP.COM

GREENSBORO, N.C., January 19, 2011 -- Market America, an Internet marketing and product brokerage company, announced today that it has successfully completed
the acquisition of SHOP.COM’s (
http://www.SHOP.com
) business, a pioneer in online comparison shopping, creating a powerful, new social shopping destination poised to challenge the Internet's leading shopping
destinations. Financial terms of the transaction were not disclosed.

Since the acquisition was announced on December 15, 2010, MARKETAMERICA.COM (
http://www.marketamerica.com
) has seen a 60 percent increase in site traffic and a 30 percent increase in revenue. Likewise, SHOP.COM has experienced double the amount of organic traffic
compared to the same time frame last year. In addition, over 23 million powerful Twitter messages have been generated about the acquisition including those
from Kim Kardashian, Alejandro Sanz, Eva Longoria, Swizz Beats, Russell Simmons, Khloe Kardashian, Serena Williams and Paulina Rubio, among many other
celebrities who took it upon themselves to promote the exciting announcement.

 The new vision for the future will be conveyed to over 25,000 Shop Consultants during Market America’s annual World Conference in Miami, FL, February 3-5,
2011. The event will take place at the American Airlines Arena where Market America’s leadership, including members of SHOP.COM, will present the details
of how this partnership will forever change the Internet shopping landscape. On hand will be a group of surprise celebrities who will attend World Conference
to support the Ridingers and Market America. Among the announcements to be made at this event is the integration of Market America’s ma CashBack program
on the SHOP.COM site, providing up to 35% cash back to SHOP.COM customers and one half of a percent on the purchases of everyone they refer. Also being
unveiled at the event; SHOP.COM customers will be given a Market America Shop Consultant to assist in their shopping. Shop Consultants give a personal
touch to the high tech way of shopping. Shoppers can interact online or by phone with the same person on any day or occasion; they are real people who
know how to find exactly what the customer wants and at the best prices ensuring an unmatched shopping experience.

MARKETAMERICA.COM and SHOP.COM will continue to operate as separate websites through a transition period while integration of the unique benefits of each
company takes place. The two sites have in excess of 60 million combined products online including over 3,000 merchants, stores and name brands, plus Market
America's well known branded products like Motives by Loren Ridinger and renowned Isotonix line. Market America's headquarters will remain in Greensboro,
NC while SHOP.COM's facilities in Monterey and Pasadena, CA and London, UK will continue without disruption. The combined entity now exceeds 650 employees.

“Market America’s acquisition of SHOP.COM’s business enables us to leverage the social shopping trend and will revolutionize the online shopping experience,”
said JR Ridinger, President and CEO of Market America. "Market America has a network of 180,000 social shopping consultants who lead people to the best
prices and best products on the Internet. With the integration of SHOP.COM’s unrivalled search and comparison shopping technology, consumers will have
the most complete and fulfilling user experience available anywhere. With the focus being on customer reviews, revolutionary search technology and comparison
shopping, as well as access to 60 million products, the personal touch of Shop Consultants and paying customers up to 35% cash back on purchases and one
half of a percent on referral’s purchases forever. Market America and SHOP.COM will be in a position to be the number one premier shopping site, offering
consumers a wide variety of products at great prices and letting them enjoy what they love to do, shop!"

The acquisition combines SHOP.COM's strength in technology and merchandising, providing customers with the latest, high-tech online shopping, with Market
America's high-touch, personal shopping experience and its unlimited cash back program. It will expand Market America’s current people-powered, relationship-based
shopping portal into a content rich destination that informs, entertains and personally guides customers in their shopping experience.

"The partnership between Market America and SHOP.COM is explosive and will dominate the online shopping world, offering distinct areas of expertise and
customization," added Vince Hunt, COO of the new entity. “We’re creating a game changing shopping experience with transformative potential for our customers,
retailers, consumer brands and business partners. We couldn’t be more excited about the future."

ABOUT MARKET AMERICA
Market America is a product brokerage and Internet marketing company that specializes in One-to-One Marketing. With more than six million customers and
180,000 Shopping Consultants worldwide, the company has generated over $3.4 billion in accumulated retail sales. Headquartered in Greensboro, NC the company
was founded in 1992 by president and CEO JR Ridinger and employs over 600 people globally with international operations in the United States, Canada, Taiwan,
Hong Kong, Australia and the Philippines. Through its revolutionary One-to-One Marketing concept, Market America combines the Internet with the power of
people – creating the ultimate online shopping destination. More information is available at MarketAmerica.com (
http://www.marketamerica.com).

SHOP.COM is the comparison shopping engine designed to meet the shopping needs of the consumer and the business needs of merchants. Leveraging the features
of our patented OneCart® along with extensive partner marketplace integration, and thousands of pages of unique shopping-centric editorial, SHOP.COM helps
customers "Shop Smart, Save Big" across thousands of online stores. SHOP.COM also powers ShopCompanion, a comprehensive directory of online and brick-and-mortar
stores, and The Shopping Vine (
http://theshoppingvine.com
), a shopping blog network. For more information, please visit (
http://www.SHOP.com).

THE BILLBOARD BOOK OF NUMBER ONE HITS

Wake Up Little Susie: Imagine the scenario of this song being presented in 1957. “The movie was boring. We fell asleep, it’s 3 a.m. and everybody is going to think we did something.”

Treat Me Nice: This song is a rip-off of “Teddy Bear.”

You Send Me: Sam Cooke couldn’t carry a tune.

At The Hop: This song is so uninteresting. You can’t even dance to it. All you can really do is stomp your feet. 1958-1964 was a humdrum period in American pop music. After rock and roll and Elvis, nothing really exciting happened until the Beatles came along.

The parody version of this song is “Smoke Some Pot.”

I Beg Of You: A rip-off of both “Don’t Be Cruel” and “Teddy Bear.”

Tequila: As simple as this song is, it’s great and synonymous with the fifties in so many ways.

Poor Little Fool: The plane crash that killed Ricky Nelson could have been murder, or they could have just been messing around with cocaine.

Little Star: This song always makes me think of that crummy kids show that aired in the nineties.

Tom Dooley: I have the album this song comes from. It is kind of interesting, but not very good.

I encountered this song next in music class in Grade 7. The teacher read the lyric “I took her to the mountain and there I took her life.” He then remarked, “What is this? O.J Simpson And His Friend?”

Pastor Peters has done a version of this song which goes in part:

Hang down your head you sinner,
Hang down your head and cry,
Hang down your head you sinner,
It’s for you that Jesus died.

To Know Him Is To Love Him: You get the feeling the guy she was singing about was a real jerk.

The Chipmunks Song: Though this song came out in the fifties, I and most other people will probably most associate The Chipmunks with the eighties.

By the way, thank you Hollywood (read Jews) for destroying The Chipmunks with those two recent movies.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

THE AGE OF PERSUASION

By Terry O’Riely and Mike Tenant. Toronto: Knopf Canada, 2009.

Clutter: I knew ad clutter was bad, but I had no idea it extended to TV screens showing ads in elevators and on the back of the front seats of cabs.

Breaking The Contract: Even if a product seemed like it might be good, I wouldn’t buy it simply because it was being advertised to me in the back of a cab.

The Rise And Fall And Rise Of Branded Entertainment: Are webisodes like Seinfeld and Superman really as entertaining as the branded entertainment of years gone buy? At least with The Jack Benny Show, their was plenty of entertainment apart from the commercials. With these webisodes, it seems like it’s less entertaining because you know most of the focus is on getting you to buy the product.

Persuading Youths: Farber is a Jewish name. Only a Jew would think of selling ads on his test sheets.

Guerrillas In Our Midst: Death should never be used to sell a product, unless of course the ad is for a funeral home or something. I went to a convention for my company once. The company had brought in this bucking guy from their headquarters in the States. The theme of the weekend had to do with desiring success and having a good attitude. One of the analogies this guy used to illustrate his point, in other words, to sell us on his ideas, was a story about a little boy who wants to be successful. He knows his father isn’t successful, so he goes next door to his elderly neighbour, who is a success. The little boy asks the old man how to be successful. The old man doesn’t respond. The little boy again asks the old man how to be successful. Still no response. The boy poses the question a third time. The old man gets up from his lawn chair, grabs the boy around the neck, drags him down to the pond, and plunges the boy below the surface of the water. The old man holds the boy under the water for a long time and then finally lets him up. He then says to the boy, “When you want success as much as you wanted that next breath, that’s how to be successful.”

This story was really beyond the bucking pale if you ask me.

The other story was about a family of chickens. The mother hen died, and the two “boy chickens” as this guy referred to them (they’re called roosters, city slicker), were left to fend for themselves. They got severely picked on by the other chickens, until one day they decided to contemplate suicide (although I could have been just making that last part up.) One morning, the two roosters looked up in the sky and saw a bird that looked like them. One of the ROOSTERS asked, “How come you can fly when you’re a chicken? We’re chickens and we can’t fly.” The bird in the sky replied, “You’re not chickens. You’re eagles.”

The point I’m trying to make is that this speaker was trying to get us, in the audience, to buy the ideas about success and a positive attitude he was trying to present. However, if you’re going to try to get me to bucking buy your ideas, you better use a lot better tactics than talking about dead chickens and bucking old men drowning little boys. This rule applies to all of advertising and copy writing. Negative imagery, unless directly related to the kind of product you’re trying to sell, will turn me off from making a purchase.

Though the Time Warner and Dr Pepper incidents were foolish, crass and horrible examples of marketing, they give me a pretense to make this joke. Boston once banned a mathbook because it had two improper fractions.

It is worth asking a couple questions about the execution of Timothy McVeigh. How did he get executed so fast? There’re guys on death row who’ve been their for thirty years. Also, there are those who say McVeigh was never put to death at all.

The Lesson Of Clark Gable’s Undershirt: Ringo Starr is a living joke, truly.

Tom Waites is in the business of selling records. He knew that if listeners heard one of his songs in a commercial, they would not like it and stop buying his records.

The Language Of Persuasion: Actually, if you go into a Starbucks and ask for a small, medium or large coffee, they’ll understand what you’re saying.

Wall Of Cynicism: Orson Wells “War Of The Worlds” broadcast proved that radio could be used to manipulate people. I would not be surprised if that particular broadcast was not a government-backed operation.

The 1957 theatre experiment either worked or didn’t work, depending on whom you believe.

I would heartily disagree that there aren’t subliminal messages in advertising. For example, I think of a commercial for Johnson’s Baby Shampoo that aired in the nineties. This woman tells the story of her and her teenage daughter Becky giving Becky’s brother Sam a bath “when suddenly Becky dropped the bottle and splashed Sam’s face. I got upset.” The way she said it made it sound like getting upset was the worst thing in the world. This ad was designed to communicate said message to the viewer.

There are also examples of Coke ads featuring noses that look like penises and bottles featuring tiny pictures of a woman’s face between a man’s legs.

I don’t shop on Amazon, but I do use it to look up information about books. One day, I clicked on the HISTORY link, just for fun. Even though I had never purchased anything on Amazon’s website, they had a list of books I had looked at when I’d clicked on the site from Google.

In the future, conventional advertising won’t exist. Permission marketing will largely be the way products are sold. Companies will have people who work for them in the field of one to one marketing. These employees will call up their friends or send them messages via some other means. Only friends whom the employee thinks will be interested in the product will be contacted. In this way, companies will be better able to reach their target audience and increase revenue.

Monday, January 17, 2011

REPLY AWL

The November 22 issue of Maclean's has an itim about the British government planning to pull all its troops out of Germany. That's right: there are still British troops in Germany. The second world war never really ended.

In the same issue, there is an article about right-wing nationalists in Serbia holding a former general wanted for war crimes in high esteem. The Moslems attacked the Serbians first. Molosovich and others were just trying to defend themselves.

In the same issue, there's an article about Charlie Sheen's latest scandal. The article calls Sheen's views on 9/11 unpleasant. His views are correct, however "unpleasant" they may be. Actually, Charlie Sheen makes a good spokesman for the 9/11 truth movement. If someone comes out with a view the establishment doesn't care for, the mainstream media usually drags up or fabricates a story about that person doing something bad. However, with Sheen, what more could he be accused of? Even if they did accuse him of something, it would just roll off Sheen and the public's back just like everything else he's done.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

ELIOT DEMPSTER ANGLO BOER WAR

THE ANGLO BOER WAR 1899 – 1902

A very brief summary of the Battles in and around
KIMBERLEY
(Refer also to rough sketch map included)
By Lt Col E.D. DEMPSTER SJ JCD

The South Africa of today (2010) was in those days comprised of the British Crown Colonies of the Cape of Good Hope and Natal and the Boer Republics of the Orange Free State and the South African Republic (Transvaal). Years of problems over a multitude of matters led to the eventual Transvaal declaration of War on the British on 11th October 1899. The Republican Forces then advanced against Natal which become known as the E front of the war and against the Cape where operations were known as the W and Central fronts. This summary deals only with the relevant Battles on the W front.

Prior to the war the British had established military camps along the boundaries of the Free State with the main concentration some 120 km S of KIMBERLEY at Orange River Station on the main road and the existing rail link from the Cape. The Boers had prepared as well and at that stage had some 6,000 burghers available to stop any British advance from the Orange River by these Transvaal burghers. Some 5,000 Free State burghers had also concentrated in the W of the Free State and could also assist in stopping any British advances to the N.

By 14th October 1899 Kimberley was surrounded by Boer forces as was Mafeking to the N and Ladysmith in Natal. These sieges were destined for worldwide news.

By the 17th October the Free State forces had occupied features at Belmont Station only 32 km N from the Orange River. The British mobilised troops already in the Cape and some that had recently arrived in Cape Town and Lt Gen Lord Methuen and the 1st Division were ordered to relieve Kimberley. He arrived at Orange River on 12th November and on the 21st commenced his advance on Kimberley. Almost immediately contact was made with Gen Prinsloo’s forces deployed near Belmont Station and on 23rd November a fairly fierce Battle ensued where after Prinsloo withdrew N to a position between Graspan and Enslin rail stations. Some figures quoted but which are generally extremely difficult to confirm in this War give British casualties at Belmont at 54 killed and 240 wounded whilst the Boer Forces suffered some 80 killed and 70 were taken prisoners of War. Thus ended the Battle for Belmont.

In the interim the Transvaal’s Gen de la Rey had also arrived in the Graspan/Enslin area with some 1,000 Transvaal burghers. It is estimated that at this stage the opposing forces strengths committed to the campaigns were roughly now 4,000 on the Boer side and some 10,000, both combatant and non combatant, on the British side and of which some 1,000 were mounted troops.

On 25th November the obvious next Battle as the British advanced took place at a hilly feature between Graspan and Enslin and, as at Belmont, after very heavy fighting the Boers again withdrew to the No. The British Forces had sustained unexpected heavy casualties and much more that the Boers.
The Boer Forces withdrawal now stopped some 40 km S of Kimberley on the banks of the Modder and Riet Rivers which converged together from the E at Modder River Station and which also straddled from E to W the main rail and road to Kimberley. Changing the previous Boer delaying tactics of defending the high ground of hilly features, Gen de la Rey now used the S side of the river beds as a natural trench warfare defence system as his next obstacle to the British advance. Boer Forces were also further strengthened, Gen Cronje had arrived with more Transvaal burghers, and he now took overall command of the Boer Forces.

In the meantime Kimberley, which was rather defenceless and only some 10 km from the Free State Border, had assembled a garrison of roughly 4,500 men, commanded by Lt Col Kekewich a British regular from the Loyal N Lancashire Regiment, consisting of only 600 regulars, 800 volunteer soldiers from the Kimberley Regiment and other units with the rest being some 3,000 Town Guards. Being a major diamond mining and market town it was well stocked with food and some very ingenious scientific and engineering personalities. The relief of Kimberley was also vital for British morale. Cecil Rhodes was, of course, also confined to Kimberley for the duration of the siege. On the 28th November at first light Lord Metheun advanced on Modder River. The Guards Brigade (Colvile) was to attack the Boers left flank but came under heavy fire and had to dig in where they mainly remained until night-fall. The British 9th Brigade (Pole-Carew) was to advance with its axis being the rail line. However as the river was approached the Boers opened up with massive rifle firepower on the British infantry with disastrous results for them. Realising that the Boer lines also extended to the W of the train line, the 9th Brigade deployed some units there and eventually some made the vital gain of occupying portions of the N bank of the river. At 16h00 Lord Methuen was wounded and Colvile assumed command of the Division. By first light on the 29th November the whole of the 9th Brigade had crossed the river to the W and the British artillery now shelled the Modder River Village. It was later found however that the Boers had again withdrawn N and E during the night. British victory once again, but expensive as casualties were given at 71 killed and 389 wounded with the Boers at some 50 killed and an unknown number wounded. Metheun’s wound was not serious and he later resumed command of his Division. Although known universally as the Battle of Modder River, as the Riet River was S of the convergence point with the Modder River and then remained the Riet to the W, it should more probably have been named the Battle of Riet River.

At a Boer conference on the 29th it was eventually agreed the next defensive position would be on the Magersfontein range of hills some 9 km N of Modder River and which, although only some 50 m high, dominated the area to the S as far as could be seen in all directions. The rail and road routes also diverged from being together at Modder River to the road now being some 6 km E of the rail line at Magersfontein. The dominant and highest hill on the Magersfontein range was in centre of the Boer positions which stretched NW some 8 km and SE as far as the Modder River itself, although their various positions were definitely not continuous. Gens de la Rey and Cronje had differences regarding the siting of the defences with the former aware of the initial “trench” success at Modder River as opposed to the “high ground” defences at Graspan and Belmont which Cronje preferred. However, during a visit by President Steyn of the Free State, de la Rey’s plans were agreed upon and accepted by Cronje and the Boer Commandos prepared the trenches at the foot of the hills with much vigour. The total Boer Forces that Cronje now had available to him had grown to some 8,500 men.

The British Forces in the meanwhile lost much momentum, also due to administrative and logistical reasons such as the need to rest the troops, bring up reinforcements and equipment from the Cape and attend to the problem of the Boer destroyed bridge over the Modder River. Methuen now had available 4 main Brigades in the Guards, Highland, 9th and one Mounted, and, together with his artillery and other support units, his Force now totalled some 12,000 men.

The beleaguered Forces in Kimberley had held the Town so far, even later manufacturing their own artillery piece in the now famous “Long Cecil” capable of launching a shell of 30 pounds to 10,000 yards, had arranged patrols to capture much needed cattle for rations, did active sorties against the Boers at Dronfield Ridge and Carters ridge where Lt Col Scott Turner was unfortunately killed. The Boer Commandos however made no real attempt to capture Kimberley. By 10th December they had also got a message through to Methuen at Modder River that the Town could survive for a least another 40 days which was some good news for Methuen as his ultimate objective still remained relieving Kimberley.

Lord Methuen, after considering all the facts available to him, decided upon (i) a night advance from Modder River in mass down a central route allowing time for deployment before first light and followed by a dawn attack by his Highland Brigade under Gen Wauchope on 11th December from near the foot of the Magersfontein ridge, (ii) The Brigade under Pole-Carew was to create a diversion to the W along the rail line and to be in position by 16h00 on the 10th, (iii) the Guards Brigade under Colvile was the reserve element and moved to a rendezvous area SE of Magersfontein. All three Brigades had available artillery support.

The Boer Forces were shelled on the evening of the 10 the and therefore fully alerted to an imminent attack. The Commandos from both the Transvaal and the Free State were deployed along the whole length of their line and were in no doubt in a “stand to” situation.

Then followed for the British Forces a series of problems which have, some controversial, been debated ever since such as, a possible late step-off at the start line, navigation problems, a possible faulty magnetic compass, a heavy rain storm and dark cloudy conditions, etc., the net effect of which was that the central (Highland) Brigade was not in the right planned position to attack at the right time and when initially fired upon at the very first sign of first light from some 300 – 400 m distance most troops were still in mass formation and not yet properly deployed. This made the troops, in instances, unable to return fire. Some chaos reigned and with light improving attempts was made to charge but maximum Boer fire to the front forced them back. A later attempt to storm Magersfontein from the E was also successfully repulsed. Gen Wauchope of the Highland Brigade was also killed in the very early part of the Battle.

Colvile’s Brigade deployed to the SE and, getting onto a rise, were also fired on by the Boers and were so occupied all day but their losses were small. Pole-Carew’s Brigade deployed on the W along the rail line as a diversionary task did not succeed in drawing any Boers away from the central front.

By midday, with the British Forces pinned down and virtually unable to move without drawing further intense rifle fire, confusion arose when an order for a rifle Company to move position spread as being an order for a total withdrawal resulting in the Boers causing the worst British casualties of the day. A partial disorderly daylight withdrawal eventually ensued but the Boers did not use this great opportunity to inflict massive further damage to the British Forces. By midday the next day, the 12th all British troops on the Battlefield had been withdrawn. Casualty figures quoted were 948 all ranks of the British killed wounded or captured and the Boers 273 killed and wounded.

The news of the British defeat at Magersfontein, and another at the same time on the E Front of the War in Natal, was a shock for people all over the British Empire. Methuen regrouped his Forces at Modder River whilst Cronje also strengthened his position on the Magersfontein line. However, with time, retribution for this British calamity was to come.

The British Cabinet had to do something and on 23rd December appointed Field Marshall Lord Roberts as Commander in Chief. With the build up of troops at Modder River and much replenishment done he decided to outflank Cronje at Magersfontein via the E using Gen French’s Cavalry Division supported by the infantry. The infantry would hold the various drifts on the Riet and Modder Rivers and be in place between Cronje and Bloemfontein whilst the Cavalry would dash through to Kimberley. The operation began to deploy on 10th February 1900. Cronje was under the impression that Roberts was now targeting Bloemfontein.

With many skirmishes along the way the final scene was set by the 15th as planned and at 18h00 French arrived in Kimberley thus ending the Siege.

All Cronje’s logistical and other lines to both Bloemfontein and the Transvaal were now cut by the British infantry to the E and French’s Cavalry to the N in Kimberley.

Cronje who had unsuccessfully sent Gen de Wet out to the E to delay any possible British advances was now in reality forced to abandon Magersfontein and attempt to move to Bloemfontein. Roberts meanwhile got a message through to French in Kimberley to head his Cavalry E of Paardeberg to cut off any Cronje movement in that direction. Cronje appeared at that stage not too perturbed, and, although having lost many wagons, and being handicapped with some women and children with his Forces, he still believed the area E of him was fairly clear of his enemy but he was also unaware that French had by then already left Kimberley with his Force.

Cronje’s main body passed Paardeberg Drift on the Modder River and arrived at Vendusie Drift about 07h00 on 17th February. Later on British artillery fired on them creating some havoc at the Drift and shocked Cronje and, by 18h00 with more British troops arriving, Cronje started digging defences around his wagons. He had hoped that assistance would arrive from Gen de Wet but unfortunately no help came while a ring of British Forces was slowly closing in on him. The British had two obvious options in either slowly shelling his force to surrender or attack it immediately. At the same time numerous smaller skirmishes were taking place all over that general area. On the 19th Gen Cronje requested a temporary armistice to bury his dead which Lord Roberts refused, and the question of him surrendering was misunderstood through messages on both sides, and Roberts recommenced the shelling of Cronje’s laager. By 21st February French’s cavalry forced Gen de Wet’s Forces to retreat to the E. Conditions in Cronje’s laager became desperate and eventually on the 27th the white flag of surrender was raised.

The Battle for Paardeberg over the period 18th to 27th February, and the largest single battle of the Anglo Boer War, cost the British 239 killed and 1,085 wounded whilst Cronje surrendered together with over 4,000 men.

What is pertinent to understand is that up to this stage of the AB War, actions were basically classified as conventional War with slow moving infantry and artillery formations, whereas after Paardeberg with the defeat of the Republican Army, the remaining Boer Forces split into numerous roving and mainly mounted groups and conducted a long unconventional or guerrilla type war.

Mafeking was relieved on 17th May 1900 and the Transvaal capital Pretoria captured on 5th June 1900 but it took until the 31st May 1902 before the “Peace of Vereeniging” was signed to end the Anglo Boer War.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOTES

1. Literally hundreds of books and study papers have been published covering most aspects of this War, and from all political sides, some greatly and accurately informative, some highly controversial and emotive.

2. Dates and casualty figures quoted have been sourced mainly from pamphlets by George Duxberry and published by the SA National Museum of Military History in Johannesburg.

3. Ms Fiona Barbour MA (Cantab), well known historian on aspects of the Anglo Boer War, gracefully also provided some answers to certain aspects.

4. For the serious student of Military Warfare, the Battles in and around Kimberley provide a unique and closely concentrated opportunity, especially for senior and staff officers, to study in great detail all the phases of War viz., the advance to contact, the attack, the night attack, the defence and the withdrawal, and of course the acknowledged principles that should apply to each of those individual phases. Many rights and wrongs will be discovered from which to learn.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - -


ELABERATING/ADDISIONAL NOTES ON ABOVE PAPER NOTES AND CONTACTS

This information below is for overseas friends who do not know the history and terminology of South Africa

RUN UP TO THE WAR

One of the biggest reasons for the 1st and 2nd “boere-wars” was the British imperial expansionism. The 1st was in 1881 and was short, the Boers won that war. This paper is about the 2nd Anglo-Boer-war, 1899, 1902. This was mainly about above mentioned reason, as well as the discovering of diamonds, 1867, there abouts, the start of the diamond rush resulting in the establishing of Kimberley as industrial centre at that time. The discovering of gold in 1886, sparked the gold rush, Johannesburg sprung up like anything and enormous wealth was at steak.

Cecil John Rhodes, a wealthy British mining owner, was the drive behind the English imperial expantion, and he was in continues opposition with Paul Kruger, the President of the “Zuide Afrikaanche Republiek”, the Transvaal. Eventually the situation sparked off the war. The ZAR, joined with the “Republiek van die Oranje Vrystaat”, took up arms against the mighty Great Brittan.

(“Zuid Afrikaanche Republiek”, English, freely translated, “South African Republic”, Transvaal)

(“Republiek van die Oranje Vrystaat”, English, “Republic of the Orange Freestate”. Orange refers to the “House of Orange”, in the Netherlands, not colour).

TERMINOLAGY USED IN PAPER

Burghers:

A term used for citizens, a Burgher is single, Burghers, plural. In this paper also troops/men, etc.

Boere, Boors, etc:

A Proper noun for the Dutch/Afrikaans white people, proudly used by Afrikaans people, but many times a “word to curse, an abusive word”. To be Boorish was seen by the English as the “stupid, illiterate, common etc” people. Even today many people uses this word in the negative.

Boer with a capital B, single form, Proper noun, refers to the Afrikaner nation, plural form in Afrikaans, Boere, some English spell it Boors. Boer, with a small b, is a farmer in English, plural is also boere, in Afrikaans you pronounce the oe as oo, like moon, a short oo.

Rietriver:

Riet, in English, reed, the things that grows on river embankments.

Modder river:

Modder, English, mud.

Graspan:

Gras, obvious Grass in English, pan: a largish pool of water, not to small in surface, but not deep, knee deep or a little deeper.

Fontein, as in Magersfontein, English, fountain

Paardeberg:

In English literally, the Mountain of Horses.

CONTACT NUMBERS OF INSTATUTIONS AND PEOPLE

SA MEUSEUM OF MILITARY HISTORY, JOHANNESBURG

Telephone number : 011/6465513
Website : www.militarymuseum.co.za
Contact person : Dorothy Kemp
E-mail address : milmus@icon.co.za

WAR MUSEUM BLOEMFONTEIN

Telephone number : 051/4473447
Contact person : Elria Wessels
E-mail address : ewessels@anglo-boer.co.za

MCGREGOR MUSEUM KIMBERLEY

Telephone number : 053/8392700-2714
Website : www.museumsnc.co.za
Contact person : Mr C. Fortune
E-mail address : cfortune@museumsnc.co.za

CONTACT DETAIL OF LT COL ELIOT DEMPSTER AT SA LEGION KIMBERLEY

Telephone number : 053/8325871
Contact person : Mrs Ross Erasmus (leave message
For col Dempster)
E-mail address : salegion@inext.co.za
Fax number : 053/8325871

CONTACT DETAIL OF FIONA BARBOUR (HISTORIAN)

Cellphone number : 0782720444
(she will take text msgs)

It is advised that you contact the two experts on this paper, Lt Col Eliot Dempster and Miss Fiona Barbour.

All these contact places and people will be able to give you an overview on the whole Anglo-Boere war. If they cannot help you in person, they will refer you to someone that will be able to help.

Remember, if you want to phone to South Africa, phone 0027, SA’s international code. Then phone the number, dropping the first 0 of the number.

PROMINENT FIGURES IN THE 2ND ANGLO-BOERE-WAR

On the side of the Boers:

Political leaders, President Paul Kruger, President of the ZAR, Transvaal

President M.T. Steyn, President of the Orange Free State

Military leaders, Gen Christian De Wet, a guerrilla warfare expert, so is said

Gen Koos De La Rey

Gen Piet Cronje, the man that surrendered at Paardeberg with about 4000 men on 27 Feb 1900. Many of these people were send to the island of St. Helena, together with Cronje, St. Helena, the same place where Napoleon Bonaparte was send to exile, till his death in 1821

Gen Louis Botha, was active on the east front in Natal

Spiritual prominent leader, J.D. Kestell

An English lady, that had much sympathy with the Boere, Emily Hobhouse

On the side of the English

Lord Alfred Milner, British High Commissioner, for Southern Africa

Field Marshall Lord Roberts commander in chief of British forces

Lord Kitchener, he had much to do with the policy of the sc “scortshed fields, burning down the farms, killing the lifestock, of the Boere soldiers and the consentration camps where Afrikaner women and children were put in”. The reason for doing these most cruel things, was to break the morale of the Boere, and so to end the war sooner than later.

I have just heard recently that more than 27500 woman and children died in these consentration camps, between 1900-1902, that was a figure excluding the black people who were also put in these camps. With them added, the figure amounts to over 50 thousand.

There was also a book published with these names of the Prisoners of War in it. The book is called, “Banneling in die vreemde”, in English, more or less, “in exile in the unknown”. (English edition available, but no English title).

The names of the men who were send away as Prisoners of War, to amongst others, Ceylon, Sri Lanca today, and St. Helena, mentioned earlier, was read out over one of the local radio stations a while ago. 32000 Boere soldiers, More or less was send to these places, some of them died there too.

Lord Methuen, a British military commander, a good story is the one of the “battle of Tweebosch, 7 March 1902”, where Methuen was seriously wounded, but was released by Gen De La Rey

Maj Gen French

Cecil John Rhodes, a person who certainly should be more “recognized and honoured” if you are pro-British. His continues drive for the expansion of the “British Empire” lead to many things, amongst others this Anglo-Boere war. The two provinces, South and Northern Rhodesia, was named after Rhodes, South Rhodesia, today Zimbabwe, Northern Rhodesia, today Zambia, was Rhodes’s idea to build the kingdom of Brittan and so to bring the ZAR to it’s knees.

IN CLOSING

At the end of the war the peace treaty of Vereeniging was signed on 31 May 1902, on the same date, in 1910, SA became a Union, consisting of the Cape of Good Hope, (British Colony), Natal, also a British Colony, the two former Boere Republics, the ZAR, (Transvaal), and the Orange Freestate. On 31 May 1961 SA became a Republic and that lasted until 1994 when the first sc “free and fair elections was held on 27 April 1994, black and brown and Indian people could then vote for the first time. Nelson Mandela was chosen as the first President of the new dispensation in witch all people of our country were treated as “free citisans”, no discrimination against colour etc.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

THE BILLBOARD BOOK OF NUMBER ONE HITS

The Yellow Rose Of Texas: I like a fair amount of Mitch Miller’s stuff, but why did he feel the need to yell everything?

Love Is A Many Splendoured Thing: I find this song boring.

Sixteen Tons: This song is so perfect; a workingman’s anthem.

Memories Are Made Of This: They don’t write ‘em like that anymore!

Rock And Roll Waltz: I like this song. You can so vividly imagine the scene: back in the fifties, a teenager comes home from her date to find her parents, who probably grew up on the music of the big bands or maybe even the music of the 1920s “dancing a waltz to a slow rock song.” I mean, you can just so picture “let’s listen to Kay’s record machine. I’m kind of curious to see what this rock and roll music fad the kids are all on about is like.”

Heartbreak Hotel: Elvis sucks. Did nobody ever tell this bastard he couldn’t sing? Buck, he sounds like he has his mouth closed.

Elvis was allowed to get famous by the illuminati because they wanted to see if one person could influence the whole United States.

The Wayward Wind: This song is also boring.

Houndog: The purpose of this song was to degrade our ladies. Young women used to have class. Houndog was a portent of what the new world order was going to do to them: turn them into bitches like they are today.

Party Doll: I always thought Ricky Nelson did this song first.

By the way, I am using the 2003 edition of “The Billboard Book Of Number One Hits.” Buddy Knox died in 1999, yet the book indicates he was still alive at the time it was published. Guy Mitchell, who is featured a few pages earlier with “Singin’ The Blues” also died in 1999 but is marked down in the book as still being alive. Why did the author and publisher not bother to update this information?

Round And Round: I find this song annoying.

Love Letters In The Sand: Pat Boone was allowed to get famous in order to make rock and roll acceptable to a white audience.

Teddy Bear: This is probably one of the worst of Elvis’s songs. It doesn’t help that I associate it with Uncle Jesse singing it to one of the kids on “Fullhouse.”

Diana: Holy buck! This song really is about Anka being in love with a babysitter!

That’ll Be The Day: Hearing about Buddy Holly always reminds me of that Kids In The Hall sketch about the day the music died. “I recorded Peggy Sue. I can do anything.” “I’m 22. I got my whole life ahead of me.” “I think I’ll let this monkey fly the plane.” And when he calls Richie Valance a spick. Priceless!

I suspect Buddy Holly and co. were murdered. The Don Maclean song alludes to this, but I really haven’t studied into it.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

REPLY AWL

The November issue of Prima Baby has an article on baby massage. We were taught baby massage in parenting class at school using dolls. I found it to be a very fulfilling and soothing experience.

The December issue of Chatalaine has an article about people who have quit Facebook. Reasons cited included anxiety about people not answering invitations quickly enough and finding out things about friends via Facebook that should have been told over the phone. Another reason to quit Facebook is it is a CIA front. One of the men who gave Mark Zuckerberg the start-up capitol for Facebook previously worked for another CIA front company as well as a data mining company.

In the same issue, Heather O'Niel, the author of "Lullabies For Little Criminals" writes about her dad. He is a habitual liar and has a bad temper. In my opinion, he should be committed.

The same issue of Chatalaine has an exerpt from Steve Martin's new novel, "An Object Of Beauty." Naturally, it is quite funny.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

10 MOST BIZARRE CELEBRITY ENDORSEMENTS OF ALL TIME

We've all got to make money somehow, and no one's proud of every job they've had, even celebrities. When the cash runs out, we tend to get a little creative
with finding ways to
earn a living
, even endorsing products or ideas we'd never normally use, or admit to using. Below is a list of 10 of the most bizarre celebrity endorsements and promotions,
from a spa-loving reality star touting toilet paper to a model's so-called healthy candy line. They might want us to forget, but there's no way we can
let these go.

list of 10 items
1. Mr. T: Flavor Wave Oven Turbo
: After a career as a professional wrestler and actor, Mr. T tried to get kids to stay in school,
played Santa Claus
to Nancy Reagan at the White House one year, and has appeared in a number of commercials, endorsing all kinds of goods. The weirdest? When Mr. T hosted
his own infomerical plugging the Flavor Wave Oven Turbo, "an amazing invention" that prepares low-fat meals without a lot of mess in the kitchen.
2. James Dean: Safe Driving PSA
: Even after just a few films, actor James Dean became an American icon, known for his moody but charming swagger, youthful carelessness, and remarkable
talent. He died in a car crash after speeding down U.S. Route 66 in California on his way to a car race. But in this PSA, he counsels the public on safe
driving, saying that he's finished speeding. "I find myself being very cautious on the highway," he says. "I don't have the urge to speed on the highway."
When asked to give advice to any young people watching, Dean looks directly at the camera and jokes, "Take it easy driving. The life you might save might
be mine," before chuckling and walking off set. He was dead within months.
3. Joe Perry: Fiery Foods and Barbecue
: Aerosmith's Joe Perry is known as a rock musician through and through, and also a barbecue enthusiast. He's collaborated with Fiery-Foods.com and appeared
on the cover of the January/February 2004 issue of Fiery Foods & BBQ Magazine. The connection started when a Fiery Foods exhibitor whipped up a special
sauce in honor of Perry, and asked the Aerosmith star to come up with a competition for fans who could vie for a chance to win autographed bottles.
4. Randy Savage Slim Jim
: Those Slim Jim commercials from the mid-to-late 1990s starring professional wrestler "Macho Man" Randy Savage are so over the top, they helped earn him
a Harvard Lampoon Man of the Year award from Harvard's humor society. "I always like to keep my favorite snack handy," he growls in a spooky Halloween
voice, before snapping into his Slim Jim.
5. Heidi Klum: Fruit Flirtations candy
: While Heidi Klum was passed over for runway gigs during the heroin chic 90s, she's still become one of the most successful models in the world, in terms
of net worth and personal branding. But the Project Runway host proved that she must not take herself too seriously when she launched a fruit candy, marketed
as being healthy simply because it was low-fat. Packed with sugar and carbs, the candy — called Heidi's Fruit Flirtations — came packaged in a bag that
had a semi-creepy image of Heidi's face emblazoned on it.
6. Kim Kardashian: Charmin toilet paper
: The Kardashian family — while entertaining to watch on shows like E!'s Keeping Up With the Kardashians — have pretty much sold themselves to the PR devil.
They'll promote almost anything, appear at any event, and cheese themselves up in front of the camera all for a few extra bucks and 15 minutes of fame.
But Kim Kardashian took the promotions to the next level when she agreed to promote Charmin toilet paper, actually posing between people wearing Charmin
bear mascot suits at the Times Square "5th Annual Charmin Restrooms Ribbon Cutting Ceremony." The pampered star is always seen in full makeup and hair,
dressed in stylish — if not a little flashy — outfits, making us wonder why she was so ready to endorse a sign that read "Enjoy the Go" in front of a public
restroom in the middle of New York City.
7. Young Joc: Rap Snacks
: Heidi isn't the only star who's released her own line of snack foods. The rapper "Yung Joc" has his own website promoting his Rap Snacks, a crunchy bunch
of Honey Dew Cheese Curls that costs $9.99 for a bag. Yung Joc poses with a scowl on his face, but the line of text under the picture is what's so confusing.
"Reading is fundamental," is a message Yung Joc must have wanted to communicate to his hungry fans as they licked their Honey Dew-flavored fingers.
8. Mikhail Gorbachev: Louis Vuitton
: When Louis Vuitton cast some big-name — and non-fashion — faces in its 2007 luggage campaigns, anyone flipping through a magazine might have been surprised
to see Mikhail Gorbachev fronting an ad for the LV-patterned bags. But after the initial shock, a few media outlets took a closer look at the reading material
peeking out of Gorbachev's Louis Vuitton bag as he is photographed in the back of a car driving past the Berlin Wall. Translated from Russian, the title
of the book or magazine is "Litvinenko's Murder — They Wanted to Give Up a Suspect for $7,000." It's an indirect jab at Vladimir Putin, who was rumored
to have assassinated Litvinenko, a former Russian spy who was killed after eating laced sushi. We've got to ask the same question nymag.com wanted to know:
"is Gorby sending the world secret messages through luggage ads?"
9. Pope Leo XIII: Coca Wine
: At first glance, you might shrug your shoulders at a pope's 1900 endorsement of wine. After all, Catholics drink a lot of wine, and popes haven't always
had the brightest, most ethical reputation throughout world history. But this wine is different, and the world became addicted to it during the turn of
the twentieth century. The seeming addiction probably resulted from the fact that Coca Wine was actually made with cocaine, mixed with ethyl alcohol. The
combination is said to enhance the experience of just doing cocaine, and people around the world went wild for it. Pope Leo XIII even gave Angelo Mariani
— the creator of Coca Wine — an official gold medal from the Vatican and appeared in an ad for the drink, which was also taken to cure illnesses.
10. Antonio Banderas: Nasonex
: Who would have thought that sexy Spaniard Antonio Banderas would also pull off playing a cute little allergy bee? He's been the voice behind the Nasonex
bee for years now, buzzing through flowers and other allergy triggers while listing the benefits and side effects of the nasal spray in his famous accent.

list end

To see the site this list came from, as well as the ads themselves, click the link above.

Monday, January 3, 2011

REPLY AWL

The October issue of Canadian Geographic has an article it labels "Speculative Nonfiction." Which is it: fiction or nonfiction? This reminds me of a comment James Frei made a few years back about how in the future, books will be partially fiction and partially true.

In the Winter 2010-2011 Travel issue of Canadian Geographic, former host of Cbc's "Global Village" Jowie Taylor lists the top ten winter music festivals. It's kind of strange to think about music festivals taking place in places like Panama and the United Arab Emirates.

In the November issue of Chatalaine, readers answered the question "What would you do if you had an extra hour everyday?" Truthfully, if you had an extra hour everyday, you'd just think, "Oh, I have an extra hour. I'll do something I really want to do later." and just fill your time up with more obligations.