Sunday, February 13, 2011

DOUGLAS COUPLAND: GENERATION HUH?

In his 2009 novel “Generation A”, Douglas Coupland makes some ridiculous assertions.

Christians were happy when the bees started to die because it proved man’s superiority over nature?: We were the ones warning people that colony collapse disorder signaled bigger troubles ahead when everybody else was saying, “It’s OK. I don’t eat honey anyway.”

Christians in their early twenties don’t have doubts?: Actually, the early twenties are when you have the most doubts, not when you’re older as Coupland seems to think. Young Christians go to college and, in addition to facing teachings about evolution and that the Bible is just a bunch of fairy tales, they are overwhelmed by their fellow students utter lack of care about how they lead their lives.

Christians would approve of a man beating a dog with a 2 by 4 because the dog doesn’t have a soul?: I haven’t run across any Christian who sanctions cruelty to animals.

Diana gets excommunicated from her Baptist church.: You can’t get excommunicated from the Baptist church! This is the most absurd thing in the book so far.

“Ideologies are for people who don’t trust their perceptions of the world”?: Seems a lot of people have “trusted their perceptions of the world” and have ruined their lives in the process.

Chloe And The Death Of The Channel 3 Newsteam: The New Vision cult in Diana’s story could be in reference to the kind of imprecatory prayers Pastor Peters has been praying. Coupland is a Jew and many of the famous, big important people in the world are Jews. Therefore, could Coupland know that our imprecatory prayers against people in high places will wipe most of the Jews out? Time to take Doug before the heavenly courtroom:

“Lord, we, meaning myself and someone else who happens across this blog and agrees with me, bring before the court Douglas Coupland. We know you know to which Douglas Coupland we refer. This man is charged with being a homosexual, as he admitted in 2006. Please carry out the appropriate penalty upon Douglas Coupland, as is found in the book of Leviticus. In Jesus name, Amen.”

So people like us are freaks? You’re going to eat those words when you’re burning in Hell.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

THE BILLBOARD BOOK OF NUMBER ONE HITS

Mr. Custer: I first heard this song when I was nine years old. It was on an album my parents had called “Nutty Numbers.” I was obsessed with this song for a while. I played it and the album over and over again.

My aunt called this song “Mr. Custard.”

“Please Mr. Custard with Kool-Whip on it.”

Save The Last Dance For Me: This song always makes me think of the beginning of Pat Conroy’s novel “Beach Music.” Shyla, the wife of the main character, commits suicide by jumping off a bridge while “Save The Last Dance For Me” (Shyla and Jack’s song) plays on the car’s cassette player.

Georgia On My Mind: I would like to take this opportunity to say just because I’m blind, that doesn’t mean I like Ray Charles. Can you people get that through your heads? In fact, I think he led a horrible lifestyle and was a nigger in many ways. I hear his music and think, “This guy’s supposed to be one of the greatest singers in the world?” It’s too poppy!

Will You Love Me Tomorrow?: This is a song that was meant for the teeny boppers listening to top 40 radio, but which is actually quite adult and mature.

Mother-in-law: I first heard this song on “Finkleman’s 45s” on CBC in the mid-nineties. My aunt and uncle were down for a visit and the next morning my aunt said she had heard the song coming from my room. She then started to sing it.

Surrender: Sounds like a rip-off of “Secret Agent Man.”

Moody River: Ever notice that, in the old songs, women who cheated on their significant others or men who had affairs with other guy’s women always ended up dying, either getting killed by an avenging spouse or taking their own lives with guilt? This shows you that the songwriters back then had God’s law concerning adultery on their hearts.

Now, in a song or in real life when a partner (usually a boyfriend) cheats, the girlfriend thinks, “Moneymaker!”

Quarter To Three: Sounds a lot like “School Is Out.”

Also, the mention of “Daddy G”, referring to the singer, Gary US Bonds, makes it sound self-indulgent; a precursor to the self-indulgent rap music of today.

Wooden Heart: I think I might have the album this song comes from, but it could be an Elvis album.

Michael: This has basically been reduced to a children’s song.

Take Good Care Of My Baby: This song always makes me think of someone dropping a baby off at an orphanage.

Big Bad John: Double Exposure did a parody of this song with Bob Robertson as Jean Cretien. The only line from the verses I remember is:

“One night a prowler break into my house.”

The Lion Sleeps Tonight: My friend was obsessed with this song when we were eleven years old.

The lion in this song actually refers to the Lion Of Judah, Jesus Christ and his people. The message from these three Jews was, “Don’t worry, fellow Jewish people. The lions of Judah are asleep. We can carry out our evil deeds and not get caught.”