Friday, January 27, 2012

NELSON'S ILLUSTRATED GUIDE TO RELIGIONS-MORMONISM

One thing about Mormonism is that it places an overemphasis on works in order to obtain salvation.

Mormonism also twists Christianity 180 degrees and says people are born good.

Another thing about it is that Mormonism humanises God, making him a man who goes across the universe having sex with all his ladies.

Joseph Smith received the Book of Mormon on gold plates. He wrote it down, and then the plates mysteriously disappeared. Oooooohhhh.

Mormon women are taught that if they are obedient and good in this life, they will be essentially the queens of their future planet, ruling alongside their husbands. If they are disobedient and bad, however, they will be servants on other people’s planets, tending to all the spirit babies that are up in Heaven.

This is where Mormonism really gets silly. One former Mormon woman said that, as a little girl she had wanted to be good so she wouldn’t have to spend her days in the next life changing and washing the diapers of spirit babies. This begs the question would the spirit babies wear cloth diapers because they are seen as traditional? Or, would they wear disposable diapers because they’re seen as more convenient? Or, would they wear G diapers because they combine features of the previous two types of diapers? Or, would spirit babies partake in elimination communication since that’s the best method of all for dealing with a baby’s elimination needs.

Additionally, would the babies be breastfed or bottle-fed? Which would be the more godly method? If they were breastfed, would they be weaned after just a few months or would the babies nurse until they were ready to stop?

Would they sleep in cribs or would co-sleeping be practised on these planets?

Would the parents pick them up or let them cry it out?

Would the baby’s be worn ala attachment parenting or would they be sat in front of a TV all day.

Many Mormon women have done great harm to their mental state by trying to fulfill all the religious and family obligations the Mormon Church puts on them. I have heard tell that in areas with a high Mormon population, antidepressants sell like hot cakes.

If two of those Mormon “elder” teenagers showed up at my door, first I would invite them in for a beer. Then, I would say, “What about the verse in Revelation that says if any man adds to the words of this book I will add to him the plagues which are contained in this book? That’s what you’ve done with the Book of Mormon.”

I would also say, “The Bible says if a man prophecies something and it comes true, receive him, but if he prophecies something and it doesn’t come true, he should be executed. Joseph Smith predicted the return of Jesus in 1890 and it didn’t happen. This makes him, and by extension his church, a false prophet.”

I believe the Elizabeth Smart kidnapping was probably staged.

How is fundamentalist Mormon polygamy a complex issue? These men are committing adultery. Under God’s law, adultery carries the death penalty.

As a side note, Mormons are supposed to have lots of children in order to bring lots of spirit babies down from Heaven. Yet, lingerie can’t fit under the holy underwear. I’m going to be less inclined to make babies if I have to look at my wife wearing that ugly pair of underpants in bed. Thus, sex, at least in part, becomes yet another obligation Mormons have to fulfill.

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