Wednesday, November 2, 2011

THE BILLBOARD BOOK OF NUMBER ONE HITS

... Baby One More Time: I was in history class. A classmate brought up how he hated when pop stars lie about their ages. Later I heard him say to another classmate that Britney Spears had said she was 16 when she was really 26. This was the first time I had heard of her.

At dinner that night in Senior Residence we were watching Much Music and the video for ... Baby One More Time came on. The classmate I mentioned earlier started talking about what a great video it was, and the counsellor said Britney Spears would be a hasbeen in three years.

The album "Hit Me Baby One More Time" is indicative of what albums were like at this time. The first five tracks are the singles that were released to the radio. The next six tracks are basically worse songs along the same lines, and things are ended with a horrible cover. This kind of thing is what would lead to the downfall of the music industry a few years later.

For the record, Mad TV did a parody of this song called "Daddy Open Your Legs One More Time."

Believe: I remember hearing this song on Energy Radio as I sat in the lounge of Senior Residence, not talking to anyone, lonely and unhappy.

Ryan Lublin, the autistic kid I mentioned in a previous post, used to tease Bill McKendry by purposely getting the lyrics to this song wrong.

No Scrubs: I remember hearing this song on the radio in about April or May of 1999. I and some of the other boys from residence were coming back from Dairy Delight or somewhere.

Livin La Vida Loca: I can remember the chick on Global News being all ecstatic about Ricky Martin.

I first heard this song on Kiss 92. I was visiting my Grandma that weekend in June of 1999 and it came on the radio. We were at my uncle's place and his girlfriend and her younger daughter started talking about it.

Air Farce did a parody of this song about an old Jewish man. It was entitled "Livin La Vida Old Guy."

"I'm into super stations,
Cable and pay per view."

In order to get away from the morons I mostly had to share Senior Residence with, I would take my DX351 portable shortwave radio outside to the picnic table and DX. My friend came out one night just as I was flipping past this Spanish station (possibly Radio Marti) that was playing Livin La Vida Loca. He asked me to keep it there. I don't think I did then, but I would do such a thing now as a kind gesture for him.

If You Had My Love: I also first heard this song on that weekend in June I mentioned earlier. It also came on the radio that Sunday afternoon when Grandma and I were at my uncle's house.

Wild Wild West.: I also first heard this song on that weekend on Kiss 92 but it was in my uncle's old bedroom at my Grandma's apartment. I actually kind of really liked it and taped it. I later changed my mind.

I later read a review of the film "Wild Wild West" in Maclean's. Brian D. Johnson said it was "a 13 year old boy's paradise", meaning it was immature. I agreed with Johnson based on some of the scenes he described.

Genie In A Bottle: I remember one of the idiot counsellors we had making fun of this song.

For the record, a parody of this song exists called "Weniee In A Bottle."

Bailamos: I can remember hearing this song a lot on CHFI.

In April 1999 they changed the transportation arrangements. Instead of going on a highway coach, a different company handled my getting to and from the W. Ross Macdonald School. It was a taxi company in Belleville which transported me and this boy who'd been on the bus with me.

We listened to CHFI in the taxi for the traffic reports (though 680 News had more frequent traffic reports and would have been preferable to me) and they played this song a lot. I can remember Don Jackson playing this song in all his effeminate glory. Seriously, I thought that guy was a faggot at one time till I found out he was married.

Smooth: Buck, they didn't play this song enough, eh?!

In April 1999, I was moved from a single room to a room with that mentally retarded kid I mentioned earlier when I talked about "Candle In The Wind." The counsellors thought it would help me socially (ha ha ha.) Really, he wanted a roommate and the school always bent over backward for the mentally retarded kids.

Obviously, I was very unhappy about this. I phoned my mom and explained it to her but typical of a lot of things Mom didn't understand.

I made my complaints known to the staff and the other students, however.

Anyway, around this time this idiot's big thing was he got a copy of the song "Smooth." He went up to one of my classmates in school the day after I moved into his room and bragged about it. The classmate, who preferred rock, said "Who cares?"

(By the way, three weeks later I was moved to a room with two boys I liked a lot better.)

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